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by lshmael
Thu Mar 14, 2019 5:17 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Isle of Pines
Replies: 20
Views: 1014

Re: Isle of Pines

A nice poem indar. I especially like the first 4 lines.

"tiled water" gives a nice picture with just one word (well two I suppose). And to me at least, "succulent centers" hints at a lightness or playfulness that's befitting "nectar seekers".
by lshmael
Sun Mar 10, 2019 3:46 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: No title
Replies: 3
Views: 309

Re: No title

Well in New Zealand, where I'm from, not many birds migrate. I didn't really think about the reader making that a large factor. The image I'm guessing you're caught on is birds losing their feathers like a deciduous tree. It is deliberately ambiguous so it can be read with a few different meanings, ...
by lshmael
Sat Mar 09, 2019 10:29 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: No title
Replies: 3
Views: 309

No title

There's no end
Like a dream of autumn
Where the birds
Join the trees

A feather at a time
My love
I remember the sky
You promised me

---

I tried to think of one, honest.
by lshmael
Sat Mar 09, 2019 10:19 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Night Dialogue
Replies: 22
Views: 994

Re: Night Dialogue

I really like the first stanza, except for "on a tissue of air".

The second stanza is good as well. But I think something more dramatic or specific could really make the poem better. It falls a bit flat.
by lshmael
Sat Mar 09, 2019 10:11 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: and walk.
Replies: 7
Views: 397

Re: and walk.

Hey man what do you have against my clammy hands, I cant help it. In all seriousness though I think the first half of the poem is ok in that it uses (I think) second person narration without being overbearing. It takes time to know time, before wishing you didn't. Hadn't. Who can you tell when your ...
by lshmael
Sat Mar 02, 2019 10:49 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Noting The Passing of Nelson Mandela
Replies: 7
Views: 417

Re: Noting The Passing of Nelson Mandela

Not sure I got all of this, I'm not from America, but the lines

The flag is dipped,
to half-mast, like a tip of the cap toward
the Municipal Liquor Store across the street.

are quite well done. Humor in poetry isn't easy. At least for me it isn't.
by lshmael
Sat Mar 02, 2019 10:39 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: their way to love
Replies: 15
Views: 703

Re: their way to love

I liked this piece, however the start was a bit difficult for me. I suppose the first 3 or 4 lines. It definitely picked up though.

I dont know what painting by Casper David you are referring to, even after going on google.
 
And I think its Van not Von.



 
by lshmael
Sat Mar 02, 2019 10:29 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Drink Up, Slam the Glass
Replies: 10
Views: 612

Re: Drink Up, Slam the Glass

A nice poem about a very pressing problem.

If you want critique then " Light arcs like rainbows into a too-red sunset " is a difficult picture for my brain.

I find it very difficult to write about this kind of thing, so to see it done well always leaves me impressed.
by lshmael
Wed Dec 26, 2018 6:09 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Bath
Replies: 6
Views: 515

Re: Bath

Well the suspense is very much intentional, and actually, what I like most about the poem. Thanks for the replies, its always helpful to know how a piece is received. I can see how it would be frustrating to read if you did not read it the whole way through, and were trying to puzzle it out before r...
by lshmael
Wed Dec 26, 2018 5:45 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Dick & Jane Discuss Nostalgia the Day After Spot Dies.
Replies: 15
Views: 1112

Re: Dick & Jane Discuss Nostalgia the Day After Spot Dies.

Haha I guess I was wrong about the smoking. But you know, it can be dangerous for you to give away state secrets.