A nice poem indar. I especially like the first 4 lines.
"tiled water" gives a nice picture with just one word (well two I suppose). And to me at least, "succulent centers" hints at a lightness or playfulness that's befitting "nectar seekers".
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Search found 36 matches
- Wed Mar 13, 2019 11:17 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Isle of Pines
- Replies: 20
- Views: 13782
- Sat Mar 09, 2019 8:46 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: No title
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3301
Re: No title
Well in New Zealand, where I'm from, not many birds migrate. I didn't really think about the reader making that a large factor. The image I'm guessing you're caught on is birds losing their feathers like a deciduous tree. It is deliberately ambiguous so it can be read with a few different meanings, ...
- Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:29 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: No title
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3301
No title
There's no end
Like a dream of autumn
Where the birds
Join the trees
A feather at a time
My love
I remember the sky
You promised me
---
I tried to think of one, honest.
Like a dream of autumn
Where the birds
Join the trees
A feather at a time
My love
I remember the sky
You promised me
---
I tried to think of one, honest.
- Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:19 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14799
Re: Night Dialogue
I really like the first stanza, except for "on a tissue of air".
The second stanza is good as well. But I think something more dramatic or specific could really make the poem better. It falls a bit flat.
The second stanza is good as well. But I think something more dramatic or specific could really make the poem better. It falls a bit flat.
- Sat Mar 09, 2019 3:11 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: and walk.
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5522
Re: and walk.
Hey man what do you have against my clammy hands, I cant help it. In all seriousness though I think the first half of the poem is ok in that it uses (I think) second person narration without being overbearing. It takes time to know time, before wishing you didn't. Hadn't. Who can you tell when your ...
- Sat Mar 02, 2019 3:49 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Noting The Passing of Nelson Mandela
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5044
Re: Noting The Passing of Nelson Mandela
Not sure I got all of this, I'm not from America, but the lines
The flag is dipped,
to half-mast, like a tip of the cap toward
the Municipal Liquor Store across the street.
are quite well done. Humor in poetry isn't easy. At least for me it isn't.
The flag is dipped,
to half-mast, like a tip of the cap toward
the Municipal Liquor Store across the street.
are quite well done. Humor in poetry isn't easy. At least for me it isn't.
- Sat Mar 02, 2019 3:39 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: their way to love
- Replies: 15
- Views: 9816
Re: their way to love
I liked this piece, however the start was a bit difficult for me. I suppose the first 3 or 4 lines. It definitely picked up though.
I dont know what painting by Casper David you are referring to, even after going on google.
And I think its Van not Von.
I dont know what painting by Casper David you are referring to, even after going on google.
And I think its Van not Von.
- Sat Mar 02, 2019 3:29 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Drink Up, Slam the Glass
- Replies: 10
- Views: 7365
Re: Drink Up, Slam the Glass
A nice poem about a very pressing problem.
If you want critique then " Light arcs like rainbows into a too-red sunset " is a difficult picture for my brain.
I find it very difficult to write about this kind of thing, so to see it done well always leaves me impressed.
If you want critique then " Light arcs like rainbows into a too-red sunset " is a difficult picture for my brain.
I find it very difficult to write about this kind of thing, so to see it done well always leaves me impressed.
- Tue Dec 25, 2018 11:09 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Bath
- Replies: 6
- Views: 4694
Re: Bath
Well the suspense is very much intentional, and actually, what I like most about the poem. Thanks for the replies, its always helpful to know how a piece is received. I can see how it would be frustrating to read if you did not read it the whole way through, and were trying to puzzle it out before r...
- Tue Dec 25, 2018 10:45 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Dick & Jane Discuss Nostalgia the Day After Spot Dies.
- Replies: 15
- Views: 10291
Re: Dick & Jane Discuss Nostalgia the Day After Spot Dies.
Haha I guess I was wrong about the smoking. But you know, it can be dangerous for you to give away state secrets.