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- Mon Jan 14, 2019 12:48 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: a flock of breaths 1&2
- Replies: 15
- Views: 10241
Re: a flock of breaths 1&2
I love this one, Dave. There is so much packed in here and at no point does it feel contrived or appear to be trying to hard. The "root ourselves" line, short and simple as it may be, speaks so much. Minor nits, suggest: A flurry of images flee s from view, dreams are as fleeting... That's it, and I...
- Wed Jan 09, 2019 4:36 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Broken Wheels. By Brian Humeniuk alias Granda
- Replies: 12
- Views: 8876
Re: Broken Wheels. By Brian Humeniuk alias Granda
Lovely poem. Just a pleasant read all the way around. Knowing what inspired it is icing on the cake. Congratulations, Gramps!
- Wed Jan 09, 2019 4:33 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Bongg! (experiment in sound and images)
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5648
Re: Bongg! (experiment in sound and images)
Sorry, Bri, not one for me.
The content is cool, but the structure is kind of all over the place. I don't understand the line breaks or the placement of rhymes.
The content is cool, but the structure is kind of all over the place. I don't understand the line breaks or the placement of rhymes.
- Mon Jan 07, 2019 7:11 am
- Forum: Introduce Yourself Here
- Topic: Hello.
- Replies: 10
- Views: 20047
Re: Hello.
Hello Bri,
Glad you found us. hope all has been well.
Marc
Glad you found us. hope all has been well.
Marc
- Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:20 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Positions
- Replies: 13
- Views: 9155
Re: Positions
To the left a bible fiction my right arm considers a masturbation--------------- fact a wasting of s e e d s a moisture of confusion, a reduction a rethink. to the right a new book, blank with innocence a waiting of words that don't hurt or revelations in th...
- Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:36 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Positions
- Replies: 13
- Views: 9155
Re: Positions
To the left a bible fiction my right arm considers a masturbation--------------- fact a wasting of s e e d s a moisture of confusion, a reduction a rethink. to the right a new book, blank with innocence a waiting of words that don't hurt or revelations in th...
- Tue Jan 01, 2019 9:40 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Chronicles
- Replies: 23
- Views: 15443
Re: Chronicles
Enjoy this one a lot. No nits. I wonder if the Line "younger" adds anything, but it doesn't hurt. Great read.
- Mon Dec 31, 2018 7:11 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Point Blank
- Replies: 1
- Views: 2220
Point Blank
Short time for long words—
bullets scream articulate,
painting naive walls
red with meaning.
No interpretation needed,
no conversation—
this a declaration
despite a loud rebuke of tears.
bullets scream articulate,
painting naive walls
red with meaning.
No interpretation needed,
no conversation—
this a declaration
despite a loud rebuke of tears.
- Sun Dec 30, 2018 8:45 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Fear is a Fruit
- Replies: 13
- Views: 9392
Re: Fear is a Fruit
I like this poem. I try when reading a poem not to decide whether I agree or disagree with what it says. I'm much more interested in if it's effective at saying it. This to me seems like an exercise in a form. It's not one I'm familiar with, perhaps it is your own. In any event, if it is an experime...
- Sun Dec 30, 2018 7:40 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Travel of little Mary
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3851
Re: Travel of little Mary
I really like the idea of this poem. I would consider the current version a draft and keep at it. A few thoughts: Lines 3 & 4: A black-carpet road welcomes, -> the explicit naming of the road as such dilutes the metaphor. Consider consolidating the thoughts/images of the trees. I love the marching,...