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by Dave
Wed Feb 19, 2020 9:33 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Enough
Replies: 24
Views: 229

Re: Enough

Thanks now I see the intention. Makes things clearer for my simple brain.
by Dave
Wed Feb 19, 2020 6:10 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Enough
Replies: 24
Views: 229

Re: Enough

By the way Tracy I would drop both empty and cold from the last line - they are giving too much unnecessary direction and the word device in the last stanza rings fake to my ears - who in God's name would say drinking device?

Otherwise interesting stuff as always.
dave
by Dave
Wed Feb 19, 2020 6:06 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Enough
Replies: 24
Views: 229

Re: Enough

Not for the first time I am going to feel like the stupidest person on a thread but I am not really getting the chronology which seems to suggest that the patient dressed first (past tense in the poem) before getting into scrubs ( present tense). I presume there is a time lapse the poem is hiding. L...
by Dave
Wed Feb 19, 2020 5:57 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: The other kind of hero
Replies: 16
Views: 338

Re: The other kind of hero

There is no need for apologies concerning the thread. It has been an interesting discussion even if it has strayed far from the poem. As for the poem, it should have been merely a response to the cliche ridden histrionics of eulogising the war dead through cliche. Another cliche incidently being tha...
by Dave
Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:43 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Steps
Replies: 22
Views: 327

Re: Steps

I think Tim has given you great feedback here.
Dave
by Dave
Wed Feb 12, 2020 8:40 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: No Tears
Replies: 10
Views: 184

Re: No Tears

Hey Indar I am in full agreement with Tracy and AJ on this one and on your writing in general, which has such a warmth and generosity of spirit that any attempt to add unnecessary complexity would spoil its humanity. I agree too that the last stanza is out of line with the rest even though it would ...
by Dave
Wed Feb 05, 2020 7:48 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: The other kind of hero
Replies: 16
Views: 338

Re: The other kind of hero

Thanks Matty, good comment on the callous hearted swine. Consider it gone. In my understanding as related to me by a former major the word 'mates' refers to fellow soldiers and is more common than 'comrades' for example. It does not here refer directly to friendship. However, it does point in my min...
by Dave
Tue Feb 04, 2020 3:43 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Small Town Dreams & Those Who Live Them
Replies: 14
Views: 254

Re: Small Town Dreams & Those Who Live Them

A visually strong poem with several interesting ideas and images and several cliches. I like the first line 'All landscapes are equal'  After that not sure if it necessary to have visited and lived in too many places or to repeat 'too many'.  Interesting use of 'the' in 'the wife', not sure about th...
by Dave
Tue Feb 04, 2020 8:02 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: The other kind of hero
Replies: 16
Views: 338

The other kind of hero

Laurence Binyan: For the Fallen They went with songs to the battle, they were young, Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow. They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted; They fell with their faces to the foe.   You were a complete bastard, stole and swore, drank more than your fair...