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by Dave
Thu Jun 04, 2020 4:45 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: water on hot rock
Replies: 3
Views: 58

Re: water on hot rock

Hey Mark
Still think your edit works best.
Dave
 
by Dave
Thu Jun 04, 2020 4:44 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Between the lines, the endless lines of thought etc.
Replies: 5
Views: 76

Re: Between the lines, the endless lines of thought etc.

Wonderful edit mark Thanks. That really cleans things up a lot.
Dave
 
by Dave
Wed Jun 03, 2020 11:49 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: water on hot rock
Replies: 3
Views: 58

water on hot rock

I watch water dribble on stone and die in the heat of midday and doubt my sanity. She swore she loved me and I swore I knew.  She was beautiful, not in a conventional way women are beautiful but rather as you experience  ripples threading their way across a lake in which the water is burrowing deepe...
by Dave
Wed Jun 03, 2020 11:44 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Between the lines, the endless lines of thought etc.
Replies: 5
Views: 76

Re: Between the lines, the endless lines of thought etc.

Thanks Mark
Good comments and a help. I have cut it as follows.
Dave
 
by Dave
Tue Jun 02, 2020 3:31 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Between the lines, the endless lines of thought etc.
Replies: 5
Views: 76

Between the lines, the endless lines of thought etc.

Revision The mother’s a virgin, that‘s what gets me every time. A virgin! imagine. A dusky white woman who believes in the arc of the stars and brightness at night, possesses the faith of refugees and the warmth of straw.  Her son carves crosses from wood without a care in the world. The father’s bo...
by Dave
Tue Jun 02, 2020 5:43 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Music
Replies: 13
Views: 262

Re: Music

Colm, I have sent a private response to this. You assume wrongly is all I can say here.
Dave
 
by Dave
Mon Jun 01, 2020 4:03 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Music
Replies: 13
Views: 262

Re: Music

Hey Colm, Thanks for the reply. I can't really explain what I mean. But thanks for the response and explanation. Do you the Dunning-Kroger Effect - which suggests that a person without real expertise tends to over-estimate their abilities whilst a person with a great deal of expertise or knowledge t...
by Dave
Mon Jun 01, 2020 3:43 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Leaving
Replies: 4
Views: 77

Re: Leaving

Thanks for the help and comments. That was a great critique Colm, very very helpful on many levels, thanks. I cans see indeed the pronouns are not doing the reader many favours.
Dave
by Dave
Mon Jun 01, 2020 3:41 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Hero Wanted:
Replies: 9
Views: 114

Re: Hero Wanted:

Linda I think you are being to negative. The poem contains the Kernel of a good and necessary poem or even poems. It just tried too much at once. the trees, the racism, insipient violence and protests and DDT are all interconnected elements in a complex and long-running American story. That relation...
by Dave
Sun May 31, 2020 1:13 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Leaving
Replies: 4
Views: 77

Leaving

Revision In his mind the road descends to pale blues that he hopes is the sea. But he hears no waves. The curtains shut out the sun and hide  everything;  nights fall at noon but time doesn't, the hours .   circle his hesitant breaths, wait for them to stall. The trapped-in heat suffocates him like...