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- Tue Jul 13, 2021 6:43 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Perennial
- Replies: 5
- Views: 1731
Perennial
It used to be different back then, the rhubarb would grow damn near to your knees. The weather has been acting up. It didn't used to be so hot & it didn't used to rain so much & you used to say I love you back Dogs used to be wolves & you used to have to clean the cloth you wiped your ass with & you...
- Sat Mar 28, 2020 6:37 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: this ones called Cynthia
- Replies: 9
- Views: 9928
Re: this ones called Cynthia
I like a lot of this and its Yellow Wallpaper-esque theme. I'm thrown off by the relevance of the gym trips though, if N is going to the same place twice and calling it mecca that ought to have some purpose in the narrative, no? Maybe just tie up a few loose ends and do a bit of proofreading and i t...
- Sat Mar 28, 2020 2:32 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Waxing
- Replies: 3
- Views: 3229
Waxing
October 7: Whispering pines. Beset. November 23: Lightning dropped the grid. Whispering pines. Beset. Crescent. January 6: Beset. Snow tamed...
- Wed Mar 06, 2019 10:16 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: and walk.
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5510
Re: And Walk
Hey dave, thanks for the reply. I agree about the repetition of clammy hands. Well, as i'm typing this i'm now back to liking it and so i'm conflicted. i'll have to think about it more, thanks for prompting that. As for the ambiguity and disjunction, I'm surprised you haven't learned to expect that ...
- Wed Mar 06, 2019 2:22 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Just the Highlights
- Replies: 15
- Views: 10746
Re: Just the Highlights
I'm not a big fan of art having social or political messages, makes me feel like I'm being coerced in a neutral zone. I'd compare this to Trevor Noah's comedy but you executed it well- loved S4&5 specifically.
- Wed Mar 06, 2019 2:09 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14772
Re: Night Dialogue
Welcome, George. This reads very well. Going through it I felt as though it could be a piece I was reading in a literature class trying to deconstruct. I'm not sure if it would actually be better but I can't help but think an intro stanza similar to the last would help here. Sort of like a "there mu...
- Wed Mar 06, 2019 1:56 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: their way to love
- Replies: 15
- Views: 9801
Re: their way to love
I agree with colm, this one is not the best in my opinion. "sliver of breath" is beautiful and its use in the first line works to draw the reader in very well. I end up doing the light and darkness thing a lot so maybe Im more apt to notice it but I can't help but feel there are better word choices ...
- Wed Mar 06, 2019 1:24 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: and walk.
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5510
and walk.
It takes time to know time, before wishing you didn't. Hadn't. Who can you tell when your mistress shows infidelity? Which hand do you hold? Do you maybe hold your own? It's too clammy- you let go, decide to walk alone. "Wait up!" pierces from behind, but there's no trust left to lend. Or perhaps "W...
- Mon Dec 31, 2018 8:15 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: loose clockwork
- Replies: 15
- Views: 10825
Re: loose clockwork
Thanks for the read Dan, glad it provoked something one way or another
- Mon Dec 31, 2018 8:14 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: loose clockwork
- Replies: 15
- Views: 10825
Re: loose clockwork
Marc thanks for the suggestion, I think losing back would be a good touch. It doesn't really add anything. Maybe I'll get around to doing an edit. Appreciate the read and feedback