The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

indar wrote: ↑

Sat Mar 03, 2018 5:16 pm

chased brine-dripping seagulls off  

so sorry to see this line is gone in your edit

Yeah I decided it was a little too over written. I think it still kinda pulls off the same effect though

Thank you guys for all your detailed critiques. Did some revising.

PS-Indar,
I was thinking more Tom and Jerry

Eventide   In an artless time, my sister and I   chased dripping-wet seagulls   off the edge of that world. Waves  crooned through our grandparents' lips,   making their calls to us seem as light   as the currents of spray, blown from sea  slushing on rock, that stirred Muhly grass   and tossed fine...

How fast a stroll is a stride?  Opening a poem up with a question can be tricky bc you're sacrificing the option of grabbing the reader with evoking imagery. Questions can evoke, but they're tricky because a question is going to stir up thought by nature, so you need to go that extra mile to make th...

Hey all, hope to learn well from you guys and continue to grow as a writer! Thanks for having me

Best, Alex