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by Mark
Fri Dec 07, 2018 9:10 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Frank Goes to Heaven
Replies: 20
Views: 1837

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

I like Frank's exit line and the dust. Is there a reason for capitalizing 'small'? What is the reason for the day's stale sweetness? On rereading, I took it that the subway or station platform was his experience of 'going into the light' and as such it's an original representation but if so, why wo...
by Mark
Fri Dec 07, 2018 9:05 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Harvest
Replies: 13
Views: 2907

Re: Harvest

I feel good too, also too busy to write much in creative vein. I feel recovered from my loss of five years ago, just changed, a bit wiser maybe. I've been fortunate to start a new and interesting life here.

 
by Mark
Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:09 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Harvest
Replies: 13
Views: 2907

Re: Harvest

Opening adjusted.
by Mark
Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:07 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Harvest
Replies: 13
Views: 2907

Re: Harvest

I don't agree, if I understand you right. That first bit that becomes redundant serves as the gateway to the field of the poem, so it is vital in that sense. The trick though is to recognize that redundancy, all too often we cling to the opening. 

Hi Dave, thanks, trust all is well with you.  
by Mark
Tue Dec 04, 2018 8:07 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Frank Goes to Heaven
Replies: 20
Views: 1837

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

I like Frank's exit line and the dust. Is there a reason for capitalizing 'small'? What is the reason for the day's stale sweetness? On rereading, I took it that the subway or station platform was his experience of 'going into the light' and as such it's an original representation but if so, why wou...
by Mark
Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:57 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Classroom (revised)
Replies: 21
Views: 2159

Re: Classroom (revised)

Interesting read. Despite Linda's primer, I'm only seeing this at face value, which is well. I can sense some sort of allegory or metaphor but it's eluding my perception. 
by Mark
Tue Dec 04, 2018 7:51 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Harvest
Replies: 13
Views: 2907

Re: Harvest

Thanks for comments, Phil, Linda and AT. Linda, I did have the first S without 'a face' but then added it for a bit of internal rhyme but I agree with you. Will change back.  Phil, I like your abridgement. AT, the last sentence... I actually wrote this as a vehicle for the time I did walk the whole ...
by Mark
Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:46 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Harvest
Replies: 13
Views: 2907

Harvest

. . I cannot see what the mad painter saw in those faraway wheat fields It’s just stubble here as the sheaves fall to waves of crumbling summer And, the sheep have lambed. Crows on barbed wire await their road kill The tar ribbon unwinds as the sun flattens the hills in folds of afternoon A slice o...
by Mark
Sun Oct 07, 2018 8:59 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: In Company
Replies: 11
Views: 1213

Re: In Company

Hi Linda - trust you are well. Lovely poem. it's > its
by Mark
Sun Sep 30, 2018 10:01 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Home Cooking
Replies: 13
Views: 1219

Re: Home Cooking

More a gentle love poem than a recipe poem but is still quite bland in parts. The ending,  last 4 lines, feels like a confusion of subject attribution. What is yellow? Her mouth or the crown? I don't understand what is the crown in this context? So the ending stumbles, at least for me. A nice poem b...