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by Mark
Sun Sep 30, 2018 9:51 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Passing On
Replies: 9
Views: 905

Re: Passing On

It's carefully written and makes for a good piece overall. The ending is a feel-good one. I don't think the line lengths employed suit the tone of the writing. The imagery and setting seem more languid. Not saying this is better, just experimenting from a different angle. This boy can move, like a y...
by Mark
Sun Sep 30, 2018 9:38 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: At which precise moment did you know.. revision
Replies: 15
Views: 1570

Re: At which precise moment did you know.. revision

Re-reading this for the first time in a while - the original's better imo.
by Mark
Sat Sep 22, 2018 7:52 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Luciferians rising
Replies: 1
Views: 329

Luciferians rising

.


A resident chump is doing an excellent job
in the house of distraction and division,
and as the future fall guy for a plan
now being loaded in the shit pipe.



 
by Mark
Wed Sep 19, 2018 7:46 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: At which precise moment did you know.. revision
Replies: 15
Views: 1570

Re: At which precise moment did you know..

Sad and poignant, reads like a grief poem.
by Mark
Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:34 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Shots
Replies: 4
Views: 580

Re: Shots

Reads like unedited SOC writing.
by Mark
Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:32 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Union Cafe
Replies: 13
Views: 1364

Re: Union Cafe

An interesting enough narrative. Poetically, it seems to rely a lot on white space.
by Mark
Tue Sep 18, 2018 7:28 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: A Swell
Replies: 17
Views: 1536

Re: A Swell

A finely spun piece. Enjoyed.
by Mark
Thu Sep 13, 2018 9:10 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Thorns
Replies: 30
Views: 2689

Re: Thorns

falling
impaled
 
by Mark
Wed Sep 12, 2018 5:56 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Thorns
Replies: 30
Views: 2689

Re: Thorns

Prefer the original, simpler version. Sparse everything.
by Mark
Tue Sep 11, 2018 8:31 pm
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: wonder
Replies: 4
Views: 580

Re: wonder

This is just an extrapolation from a conversation with an enlightened doctor about the global cancer epidemic - almost 1 in 2 in the US, I believe. The doc's point was that we aren't living naturally.