The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

I enjoyed the read too Tim. I did wonder about some of the end line emphasis in S2, particularly some, but after several reads I felt the voice works. Since, you make a point about like later, maybe need or want would be an option in L3.

best

Phil

hi Marc,
          Liked the careless gaze.

mused for a time  - or am I being too poetic?

Interesting option by Indar to remove the crumble.

best

Phil
 

hi Dave

Neatly trimmed and condensed.

Icelandic phrases stir my thoughts

Not really able to focus there.

best

Phil

 

hi Sharon

Lovely use of dimples. I did wonder about human - is it needed? I like the notion of tenants and clothes and the narrative of others (could be interesting to speculate and expand on the latter).

best

Phil

Thanks Dave and Tim for taking a look. I've tried to revise some of the more obvious triggers, though I do like the sounds of hats/huts. I will have a think about the title.

best

Phil

revision2 And then the rain. The lake shimmers promises, our sunset is a flight of pink flamingos. I keep this photograph. The guide and you. That sky washes away maths and mud. =================================================================== revised I'm dry. Not been drinking. My mind blistered...

the rain gutters
overflowed with weeds.

Great image. However, the rose garden is more familiar. Like the use of makesy

best

Phil

Hi Dave,
The sip/slip/sink options are cleanly set-up, the water tested, but still the hesitation - as if the tension cannot be released, the moment cannot be realised. I wondered if N. will ever chose or will always be trapped in the waiting.

best

Phil

    I could only yearn for the world of sophistication and excitement, learning and success, the women on that program represented. It's all about context in my view. I prefer nouns/verbs to take the prime locations, the beginning or end of a line, because I want the reader focus on their significa...

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