The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Rams watch from below
Then disc
And vase
For these dexterous fellows -
Curls of stone
Hold a flowers bell
Where birds wash their wings

Imagine if Obama lit up a cigarette, live on camera, while he was still in office. It would have made the front page. I like the first four lines but after that its a lot of references I dont understand. If I read the last six lines as referring to childhood, I enjoy them. If I read them as referrin...

I think this is a nice poem. But for me it lacks imagination. I guess that's part and parcel of the everyday life kind of theme in it. But I think to really convey emotion the writer has to magnify and exaggerate and make up things. Even if such a deep love manifests itself in things like washing di...

I like the poem, except the last 3 lines. They seem a bit obscure to me. Maybe it was just me, but it was very difficult to get. And not the good kind of difficult that some poems are. I agree with Colm Roe, some line breaks or maybe a change of tense in parts would help. And the mother and daughter...

We can play when were grown
the game the world made
the one that turns a desert into field -
I could call my love sovereign
the precept of flowers -
but I know I’ve held that before
like a child making castles
with sand

Hi Dave. I think you have some nice imagery here. But I will be honest and say its not a style I like. Give me some more prepositions and conjunctions.

somewhere angels' breath,
over there
water drums down a stair case

The above would be my favourite part.

Ill be honest and say its not for me. Ive never been one for cursing in poems. I don't know why. I swear too much in normal conversation. I don't really understand it at all either. What are you trying to make the reader feel? I don't know what Lincoln continental safe means either, but I'm not Amer...

Ok the twang twang again at the end made me laugh. Nice work man.

Thanks everyone for your feedback. Yes it is missing an apostrophe. I thought that was the computers job these days I'm glad some of you liked it and I definitely agree it falls flat in some places.

You don't sound too critical at all Colm. Knowing you don't like it is just as useful as knowing you do. Thanks for taking the time to write your opinion