The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

No problem Trevor, I expected some negativity with this.
As I said to Indar it's a rollick and a prankish romp
wordy and flamboyant in its excessiveness.
Sometime I just write to be extravagant.
Cheers

Hi Indar,
yes you got that about got his right,
It was wrote to be extravert, excessive, and wordsy
but if it hits all those marks then that was my intent!
I had fun with it.

Lead us to the belvedere let lips smoke a fine cigar the view is lovely from here. By a dilatory elbow a glass of mellow Merlot, or Cabernet Sauvignon; a thermidor and a sapid thirst. A quietude to hold, while we savor a soupçon of blueberry brume, the piquant autumn airs and simmers. Let us spoon ...

Dave, the second draft is more concise and tight.
Some lines come across as trite and predictably maudlin.
I would suggest less overt romanticism and more grit.
Best EA

Thanks for this close read and review Dave,
I kinda like the ambiguities in it however. Abstract works in this kind of write I think.
All the best

Thank you Indar for this warm response the the poem. Of course I agree! Modesty is not really my thing, however, I do think this is a work with a few minor bugs in it, and will probably be polishing it up soon.
Cheers mate.

Hi Dave, I guess everyone has an opinion. Of course I value yours, but allow myself
to differ. All the best and thanks.

Thank you Calm Rose, your insights are remarkable and follow my thoughts exactly. Much obliged to you for this prescient review.

there is an afterlife in these high branches spirit bears watch as tracks appear and vanish men who walk around trees become women but only when the tree is old enough to seed other wombs days forgotten and missed stack up against barbwire fences the yet to be born will bulldoze and unstack in Thai...

The male ward is never quiet at night, machines hooked-up to invisible bodies buzz and beep. Someone’s moaning in his sleep. I listen to the late-shift nurses gossiping at their station. Follow their footsteps as they move from somewhere to some other place. Every hour she arrives by my bed to chec...