The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Interesting read. Despite Linda's primer, I'm only seeing this at face value, which is well. I can sense some sort of allegory or metaphor but it's eluding my perception. 

Thanks for comments, Phil, Linda and AT. Linda, I did have the first S without 'a face' but then added it for a bit of internal rhyme but I agree with you. Will change back.  Phil, I like your abridgement. AT, the last sentence... I actually wrote this as a vehicle for the time I did walk the whole ...

. . I cannot see what the mad painter saw in those faraway wheat fields It’s just stubble here as the sheaves fall to waves of crumbling summer And, the sheep have lambed. Crows on barbed wire await their road kill The tar ribbon unwinds as the sun flattens the hills in folds of afternoon A slice o...

Hi Linda - trust you are well. Lovely poem. it's > its

More a gentle love poem than a recipe poem but is still quite bland in parts. The ending,  last 4 lines, feels like a confusion of subject attribution. What is yellow? Her mouth or the crown? I don't understand what is the crown in this context? So the ending stumbles, at least for me. A nice poem b...

It's carefully written and makes for a good piece overall. The ending is a feel-good one. I don't think the line lengths employed suit the tone of the writing. The imagery and setting seem more languid. Not saying this is better, just experimenting from a different angle. This boy can move, like a y...

Re-reading this for the first time in a while - the original's better imo.

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A resident chump is doing an excellent job
in the house of distraction and division,
and as the future fall guy for a plan
now being loaded in the shit pipe.



 

Sad and poignant, reads like a grief poem.

Reads like unedited SOC writing.