The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

4/5 Poem

a slice of peach drops
with each pare

another smile
lands somewhere


by George

Poem 4/4

The New Yin & Yang

Nothing is more chaotic
than an unpredictable death

or not knowing the real nature
of a sexual attraction


By George

4/3

Interlude

April music sings
for us

moon bass &
insect alto—

for me, who goes
for you, who stays

each evening
is a different song


by George

4/2 When a Person Dies Odd people gather, like a brood of same birds, to remember a drunken rambling from 1978 or the childhood trauma of a dog hit by a Dodge Dart— mother cried, father nearly died and later that evening, ivy rustled and scratched against a bedroom screen Who was this person leaving...

4/1

Father and Me

We crossed the river  
on a suspension bridge

A trawler steamed beneath us
in late October water

by George

Hi George, I have attempted this topic in several frustrating poems, all to lesser effect than this poem. With the exchange between the old man and waitress as the backdrop, the shifts in the man are set up well. For her, not so much. The big sticker for me was "changes his disguise into a young ma...

Scary---I'm no spring chicken and dementia is one of my greatest fears. On the whole a good treatment of an all too human subject. I question whether the waitress would reply she is only eighteen as she probably doesn't realize he is reliving some distant past memory. She might be more inclined to ...

In the small town diner an old man asks the waitress if she remembers seeing him in one of the booths — the young waitress shakes her head ~ Sorry, sir, but I’m only eighteen ~ rolls her eyes a bit, changes pens. The old man says ~ Okay, I had no reason to be out that day anyway ~ turns his head, ch...

Thank you for your "observations" and your candidness, Dave. Myself, I skip poems that I can't engage with. Saves me time and aggravation.

George

Dave wrote: ↑

Wed Mar 27, 2019 12:07 am

Fair enough Binx

Call me George.

And aside from a lecture about readers vs writers , do you have any suggestions toward the poem itself?