The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Welcome Luke

Hope you are rekindled

best

Phil

Welcome aboard!

All the best

Phil

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Agree with Linda. Your other version deserves a separate thread. The defining time is more rooted, less abstracted, more emotionally impactful and connecting.

Phil

 

class conscious

I very much enjoyed this too. There is an inclusive 'intimacy'. I'm divided on the revision because being 'conscious' of is a theme of the poem. I like how the poem's N. doesn't lose awareness of self in the judgement of others and in the solitude.

best

Phil

Some small things are deadly
as they spider through us.
Others just spread 
snowflakes.

Love those lines Colm. Will stay in the mind.

At last, rain, a false promise
offered up every spring to SoCal.
Drought will follow.
Then fire.

Just a thought Linda, an extra fricative. Either way a thumbs up on your edit.

best

Phil

Oh, Enemies All Around from: The Man Who Would Be King White stuff is showing up on twigs and leaves in my yard, growths ranging in size from pin heads to nail heads...like that, keys into a visual for measure I've tried the oil/soap solution,.......like the homespun specifics to no avail. I wake s...

Hi Tracy,               There is the ambition of a gear shift, but there are threads of survival and death as well as that garden memory to bind the poem. I'm hesitant, but I feel there is too much explanation in part two, and though I recognise the need and purpose to reference another friend, anot...

Hi Tracy I've read this several times. Epistle for a simple title. The fact it is a letter does knit the two halves more. My initial readings really enjoyed the vigour of the celery section more than the shift in tone in the friendship section. However, I recognise that is my own reader preference, ...