The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Tracy

Thanks for the reply. I actually had thought this was one of the pieces where I'd given the most information. I'll keep trying to make it more tangible

Ike

I hope this doesn't come across abrasively, but this one seems very straightforward. There is no mystery or intrigue, just a small story. And I feel that this story could use a more "gelatin" medium. I do like the idea, however.

Best,
Ike

Hi matty, Thanks for the reply! You have some really good points, Brown/black mixed with the "exotic" was weak, although intended as irony. There's a little more to this than meets the eye, but there's also probably a little less  :lol:  It's not very well done. But if i decide to redo I'll definite...

Colm, I really am, truly, appreciative of your response. I've been here for a while and I've heard constructivism, criticism, and just general distaste, all of which are beneficial. It's a learning process. That's why most of my works are experimental (to some capacity), nonetheless I welcome feedba...

Hi Tim. I haven't decided if N wants the other person there or not yet (not bad). Of course, that could tie into the title and part of it is N lying to themselves. Even if that's not how you intended it reads nicely that way, "forget me, forget me not..." The recurring theme of wind might be somethi...

Hey Colm,

All of your crits are fair and I much prefer the honesty over the alternative! This one is, to be fair, very weak but I like the mystery. Perhaps Ill build that mystery into something more eloquent and refined, or at least give it a go 

David,

I'm glad you liked it, thanks for the reply!

Ike

Thanks, Tracy. Trying out some new stuff for the MSF. Ended up posting this in the general, if you have any crits.
Also, nice ones Colm

ike

Neanderthals' gaze is gracefully diverted upward. Facets of piety sweep the onlookers, In a spectral tango, void of purpose, Apollo drops the reins for Luna's Escher impression. The chariot, rekindled, prompts the disbursement, of spectators mumbling about routine and their beloved eyesight. I remai...

Neanderthals' gaze is gracefully diverted upward. Facets of piety sweep the onlookers, In a spectral tango, void of purpose, Apollo drops the reins for Luna's Escher impression. The chariot, rekindled, prompts the disbursement, of spectators mumbling about routine and their beloved eyesight. I remai...