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by Dave
Sat Mar 07, 2020 12:59 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Steps, revisited
Replies: 8
Views: 12793

Re: Steps, revisited

There is not much to add that is new. Clearly these work as lyrics rather as poetry and work better I am sure. They flow really well and carry the message easily and fluently. However, as pointed out they lose a lot in depth and personality being rather generic and the fluency makes the message a bi...
by Dave
Sat Mar 07, 2020 12:54 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: My God
Replies: 12
Views: 21203

Re: My God

Overall Colm I really like this. While understanding a defence of the beginning, I also felt a disconnect to the rest, in particular the first four lines, which could in my view go without harming the poem. If they stay they don't detract from the rest but in my opinion distract. You can solve the t...
by Dave
Sat Mar 07, 2020 12:50 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: PICK UP THE PIECES
Replies: 4
Views: 10370

Re: PICK UP THE PIECES

Thanks Indar. Sorry about the formatting. I had not noticed.

dave
 
by Dave
Fri Mar 06, 2020 9:06 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: PICK UP THE PIECES
Replies: 4
Views: 10370

PICK UP THE PIECES

Pick up the pieces   It has come to this, the inevitable: Not that anyone thought it would. It just did, quietly, like a vulture that hangs on a distant air current, circling, the way all future history circles the present, swoops finally, comes to rest. Finally. On the dying.  I remember waiting fo...
by Dave
Tue Mar 03, 2020 10:14 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: Tell the Truth but Tell it Slant*
Replies: 6
Views: 10134

Re: Tell the Truth but Tell it Slant*

I ahve read the Dickinson poem and it's funny how it illuminates and distracts from the poem here. The title here is missing the word 'all'; is that deliberate, if yes why? There is no need to answer, the question is rhetorical and reflects the tension resulting from the juxtaposition of the two poe...
by Dave
Tue Mar 03, 2020 9:47 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: stillness after massacre
Replies: 11
Views: 16942

Re: stillness after massacre

I am loath to reference the source for the poem as the photo is so much more powerful than the poem but here is the link and the massacre was Campaspe in Australia 1839
by Dave
Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:53 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: stillness after massacre
Replies: 11
Views: 16942

Re: stillness after massacre

Hi Tracy
Wow that was fast. Not sure how to amend as you suggest but will think it over. In the meantime redemption is gone.
by Dave
Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:30 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: stillness after massacre
Replies: 11
Views: 16942

stillness after massacre

Stillness 100 years after a Massacre

Nothing stirs.
Not even colour.

Every grain of earth
black and white.

Bony shouldered trees
flank a dumb brook

for all the world
like Christians

at prayer.

 
by Dave
Tue Feb 25, 2020 9:46 am
Forum: Post Your Poems
Topic: True Story
Replies: 21
Views: 28098

Re: True Story

I enjoyed this, especially the close. It speaks to the both the inquisitive in us all and to the conceited. The ending has an almost religious feel to it, closing with mystery.

Dave