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- Sat Mar 07, 2020 12:59 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Steps, revisited
- Replies: 8
- Views: 12793
Re: Steps, revisited
There is not much to add that is new. Clearly these work as lyrics rather as poetry and work better I am sure. They flow really well and carry the message easily and fluently. However, as pointed out they lose a lot in depth and personality being rather generic and the fluency makes the message a bi...
- Sat Mar 07, 2020 12:54 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: My God
- Replies: 12
- Views: 21203
Re: My God
Overall Colm I really like this. While understanding a defence of the beginning, I also felt a disconnect to the rest, in particular the first four lines, which could in my view go without harming the poem. If they stay they don't detract from the rest but in my opinion distract. You can solve the t...
- Sat Mar 07, 2020 12:50 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: PICK UP THE PIECES
- Replies: 4
- Views: 10370
Re: PICK UP THE PIECES
Thanks Indar. Sorry about the formatting. I had not noticed.
dave
dave
- Fri Mar 06, 2020 9:06 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: PICK UP THE PIECES
- Replies: 4
- Views: 10370
PICK UP THE PIECES
Pick up the pieces It has come to this, the inevitable: Not that anyone thought it would. It just did, quietly, like a vulture that hangs on a distant air current, circling, the way all future history circles the present, swoops finally, comes to rest. Finally. On the dying. I remember waiting fo...
- Tue Mar 03, 2020 10:14 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Tell the Truth but Tell it Slant*
- Replies: 6
- Views: 10134
Re: Tell the Truth but Tell it Slant*
I ahve read the Dickinson poem and it's funny how it illuminates and distracts from the poem here. The title here is missing the word 'all'; is that deliberate, if yes why? There is no need to answer, the question is rhetorical and reflects the tension resulting from the juxtaposition of the two poe...
- Tue Mar 03, 2020 9:47 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: stillness after massacre
- Replies: 11
- Views: 16942
- Tue Mar 03, 2020 9:47 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: stillness after massacre
- Replies: 11
- Views: 16942
Re: stillness after massacre
I am loath to reference the source for the poem as the photo is so much more powerful than the poem but here is the link and the massacre was Campaspe in Australia 1839
- Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:53 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: stillness after massacre
- Replies: 11
- Views: 16942
Re: stillness after massacre
Hi Tracy
Wow that was fast. Not sure how to amend as you suggest but will think it over. In the meantime redemption is gone.
Wow that was fast. Not sure how to amend as you suggest but will think it over. In the meantime redemption is gone.
- Tue Feb 25, 2020 10:30 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: stillness after massacre
- Replies: 11
- Views: 16942
stillness after massacre
Stillness 100 years after a Massacre
Nothing stirs.
Not even colour.
Every grain of earth
black and white.
Bony shouldered trees
flank a dumb brook
for all the world
like Christians
at prayer.
Nothing stirs.
Not even colour.
Every grain of earth
black and white.
Bony shouldered trees
flank a dumb brook
for all the world
like Christians
at prayer.
- Tue Feb 25, 2020 9:46 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: True Story
- Replies: 21
- Views: 28098
Re: True Story
I enjoyed this, especially the close. It speaks to the both the inquisitive in us all and to the conceited. The ending has an almost religious feel to it, closing with mystery.
Dave
Dave