The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

                                                                                                         
Like it Dave. Cleanly written, unfussy. The ending conveys a palpable sense of paralysis. Stasis for a title? I'd cut flurry of motion.

best

Phil

Nice to see the aspens back Tracy! A lot of indefinite article in the middle of the poem, but you did convey a sense of place, which I muchly enjoyed.

I am here by choice

That's a great statement to pin a poem...and a life.

best

Phil

Tracy Mitchell wrote: ↑

Thu Oct 08, 2020 11:35 am

Awesome images -- better I think than red wheel barrows and white chickens.

 

undoubtedly

thks T.

No wave no life washes up / but the Tshirt does not fit /the metaphysics shrink

That was the intention, but the reading is open T.

Corrected the typo Colm.

Thanks both. I suspect the fun of this is in the doing rather than reading

cheers

Phil

Thanks Dave. And Colm (a Trigger moment )

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Amusingly observed Dave and yes, agreeing with Colm, that distraction, as always, is a survival strategy.

best

Phil

Felt you were playing with evolution in there Colm, as well as family, but in this narrative there is regression.

not to be found hiding - like that, difficult to cling to dignity when exposed and fear kicks in

enjoyed

Phil

 

An arresting title Dave, bone history sort of scary in that it's beneath the skin, not sure what splintered pane is referencing - the eye? The concluding realisation seems to point to both the empathy of feeling hurt and the consequence of hurting someone. Eirher way there's a loss of 'innocence'  o...