Tracy
Thanks for the reply. I actually had thought this was one of the pieces where I'd given the most information. I'll keep trying to make it more tangible
Ike
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Search found 87 matches
- Fri Oct 05, 2018 8:30 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Love's Eclipse
- Replies: 12
- Views: 9114
- Fri Oct 05, 2018 8:01 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: She Asked Before Leaving, Can You Sing?
- Replies: 23
- Views: 14923
Re: She Asked Before Leaving, Can You Sing?
I hope this doesn't come across abrasively, but this one seems very straightforward. There is no mystery or intrigue, just a small story. And I feel that this story could use a more "gelatin" medium. I do like the idea, however.
Best,
Ike
Best,
Ike
- Sat Aug 25, 2018 12:45 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Magician's Code
- Replies: 13
- Views: 9271
Re: Magician's Code
Hi matty, Thanks for the reply! You have some really good points, Brown/black mixed with the "exotic" was weak, although intended as irony. There's a little more to this than meets the eye, but there's also probably a little less :lol: It's not very well done. But if i decide to redo I'll definite...
- Sat Aug 25, 2018 12:34 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Magician's Code
- Replies: 13
- Views: 9271
Re: Magician's Code
Colm, I really am, truly, appreciative of your response. I've been here for a while and I've heard constructivism, criticism, and just general distaste, all of which are beneficial. It's a learning process. That's why most of my works are experimental (to some capacity), nonetheless I welcome feedba...
- Fri Aug 24, 2018 7:21 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: A Lie is always a Lie
- Replies: 11
- Views: 7676
Re: A Lie is always a Lie
Hi Tim. I haven't decided if N wants the other person there or not yet (not bad). Of course, that could tie into the title and part of it is N lying to themselves. Even if that's not how you intended it reads nicely that way, "forget me, forget me not..." The recurring theme of wind might be somethi...
- Fri Aug 24, 2018 3:04 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Magician's Code
- Replies: 13
- Views: 9271
Re: Magician's Code
Hey Colm,
All of your crits are fair and I much prefer the honesty over the alternative! This one is, to be fair, very weak but I like the mystery. Perhaps Ill build that mystery into something more eloquent and refined, or at least give it a go
All of your crits are fair and I much prefer the honesty over the alternative! This one is, to be fair, very weak but I like the mystery. Perhaps Ill build that mystery into something more eloquent and refined, or at least give it a go
- Mon Aug 20, 2018 2:14 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Magician's Code
- Replies: 13
- Views: 9271
Re: Magician's Code
David,
I'm glad you liked it, thanks for the reply!
Ike
I'm glad you liked it, thanks for the reply!
Ike
- Sun Aug 19, 2018 11:55 pm
- Forum: Archive 2018 MidSummer Poetry Fest
- Topic: Summers Past – Poems of Remembrance / Regret
- Replies: 10
- Views: 27011
Re: Summers Past – Poems of Remembrance / Regret
Thanks, Tracy. Trying out some new stuff for the MSF. Ended up posting this in the general, if you have any crits.
Also, nice ones Colm
ike
Also, nice ones Colm
ike
- Sun Aug 19, 2018 11:51 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Love's Eclipse
- Replies: 12
- Views: 9114
Love's Eclipse
Neanderthals' gaze is gracefully diverted upward. Facets of piety sweep the onlookers, In a spectral tango, void of purpose, Apollo drops the reins for Luna's Escher impression. The chariot, rekindled, prompts the disbursement, of spectators mumbling about routine and their beloved eyesight. I remai...
- Fri Aug 17, 2018 12:11 am
- Forum: Archive 2018 MidSummer Poetry Fest
- Topic: Summers Past – Poems of Remembrance / Regret
- Replies: 10
- Views: 27011
Re: Summers Past – Poems of Remembrance / Regret
Neanderthals' gaze is gracefully diverted upward. Facets of piety sweep the onlookers, In a spectral tango, void of purpose, Apollo drops the reins for Luna's Escher impression. The chariot, rekindled, prompts the disbursement, of spectators mumbling about routine and their beloved eyesight. I remai...