The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

While i can see where Amy is coming from. The alternative would be to cut the first 2 lines which basically act as scene setting even though it is only a 4 line. Besides for me the description is a bit coventional. How else should a pumpkin head look? The behaviour of those who put it there is more ...

Hi Took me a while toenjoy this, which I think has to dowithe fact that S1 for me is the weakest. I like what Colm has suggested as it streamlines some of the images and provides some beautiful words to add to yourse or give them an extra dimension. The best lines are those revealing the rising blue...

Hey Tim Overall I think this is the strongest poem you posted here. I love poems that wrap a metaphor in a story and vice versa and poems that embed the large themes in the intimate and personal. I also tend to like repetition and line endings that go against the grain. Having said that one could ar...

Thanks Matty - I made a couple of changes. Thanks Colm, nice to gain your approval. Indar as you can see from my edit, the format is a blip in the system. It absolutely refuses to save the format I give it and so it insists on a randomly straying line.
Dave

Hi Tim i have reading this for a while now and enjoying it and being intrigued by it. The story is pretty commonplace, which is both good and bad - something a bit archaic now in the internet era, something a bit innocent about the town and discoveries and in light of current sexual/social events de...

Hi Colm I really like this but prefer the immediacy of the original. Now it reads too deliberate and poetic. The fourth stanza is particulary stunning.
Dave

Egged on Mary laughs at Jamie once a month                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        as he rides atop.        ...

Thanks Indar and Tim. My instincts go with Indar#s interpretation. Tim, you have highlighted aspects I felt undecided about. Dust can go, the two fors are a pain and I have not found a satisfactory replacement for writhing, which in the dictionary is indeed laden with pain although commonly used for...

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