The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

. Japie the lighthouse-keeper died this morning, in an ambulance, a daughter beside him. Inoperable liver tumour, barely afloat on billows of morphine, he was hanging on for December and full retirement benefits for his family. We liked ol’ Japie. K knew him for sixteen years. When we went into the...

Dylan di Vilde wrote: ↑

Fri Jul 17, 2020 2:30 am

I think we must go in very different pubs though.

The local here is like no other. If your timing is good, you may see a tipsy woman remove her panties, stand on a bar stool and hang them from the ceiling.

http://citybymouth.com/the-panty-bar/
 

.    Dirty humanity then marched past all natural freedoms,    bade a silent farewell to dignity. Inside the Collective’s   razor wire and railway docks, paper apes faded away in tower blocks of taboo, privacy as sinister as roses .    l ¯ ¯ ¯ ¯ ¯ l  As a digitised generation expired l             ...

The specifics would be up to you, really. Regard my comment as encouragement to realize potential rather than a case to be proven under probing. But generally, I think it has room for more alliteration, for example, if that is the exercise. Unless you think it's the best it can be. I like challenges...

How appropriate to their mutual lifetime that they should pass together. A heartfelt tribute, Linda.

Ha! Nothing like the prospect of a Dylan piece to lift the gloom a little and this one didn't disappoint - very amusing. Very well written too, I found cadence and rhythm in reciting the poem. The rhyme is good too, unforced. In this age of contemporary poetry, which all too often is choppy purple p...

I hope I'm correct in assuming this is not a recognized poetry form. I understand everything's an experiment in breaking boundaries but I have to say I found myself more looking out for the next line of alliteration and any pattern to those than paying attention to the content. The poem  seemed to s...

Thanks for your astute comments, Phil. I'll probably revise again in a year or so...

Ha. I drew a blank on Henge so good thought there, Dave. With you on the ending there too, don't know if it's the question but something not quite aligned there. It's a good poem, this.

Fairly dark stuff but lots to appreciate and fathom. There's a complexity and a circularity going on which appeals; I'm not sure if this is a serial killer, insane patriarch, death-cult leader or a deeper archetype such as a malevolent god or demon. Will have to read and reflect some more but powerf...