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- Sat Mar 09, 2019 5:49 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14500
Re: Night Dialogue
Hi George. I like the poem. It's mysterious. And the last 3 lines make me think of haiku because, though it seems unrelated, it provides an intriguing or thought provoking juxtaposition. Thank you, HLemma. I adore haiku, especially the unrelated, intriguing or thought provoking juxtaposition kind. ...
- Sat Mar 09, 2019 5:47 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14500
Re: Night Dialogue
Snow would most likely be outside the window so I'm not sure this change is necessarily necessary. Although there's nothing wrong with being literal, I guess. "Through" the window suggested the phrase "through the looking glass". Guess this might be a kind of Alice poem but I didn't think that wa...
- Sat Mar 09, 2019 5:43 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: For My Mother
- Replies: 4
- Views: 3544
Re: For My Mother
Hi, H
Fine poem here. Father poems usually ripping-and-tearing at each other. A mother...well, hard not to be a bit maudlin. Love the "vagrant" image.
by George
Fine poem here. Father poems usually ripping-and-tearing at each other. A mother...well, hard not to be a bit maudlin. Love the "vagrant" image.
by George
- Sat Mar 09, 2019 7:33 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14500
Re: Night Dialogue
I really like the first stanza, except for "on a tissue of air". The second stanza is good as well. But I think something more dramatic or specific could really make the poem better. It falls a bit flat. Hi, Ishmael. Thanks for being so...specific...with your critique. Much to think about here. by ...
- Sat Mar 09, 2019 7:32 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14500
Re: Night Dialogue
Hi b, Lots to like here, but there are a some redundancies...unnecessary words, e.g. During night-hours, the sleeping woman whispers to herself......... .these three lines can be condensed to ' She whispers in her sleep' without losing any of your intent. If it was mine I'd do it something like thi...
- Fri Mar 08, 2019 7:40 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Another Animal Extinct
- Replies: 7
- Views: 4749
Re: Another Animal Extinct
Love Dr. Dolittle. Still love Dr. Dolittle.
by George
by George
- Fri Mar 08, 2019 7:28 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14500
Re: Night Dialogue
Great first post George, welcome, I read this as a poem about loneliness. The last line conjures up a kind of bridal virginity as against forced celibacy. I am picturing an Eleanor Rigby figure here. I caught a little on "through the window" Somehow "through" seems like a movement rather than "as ...
- Thu Mar 07, 2019 8:20 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14500
Re: Night Dialogue
Welcome, George. This reads very well. Going through it I felt as though it could be a piece I was reading in a literature class trying to deconstruct. I'm not sure if it would actually be better but I can't help but think an intro stanza similar to the last would help here. Sort of like a "there m...
- Thu Mar 07, 2019 8:18 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14500
- Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:14 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Night Dialogue
- Replies: 22
- Views: 14500
Re: Night Dialogue
During night-hours, the sleeping woman whispers to herself as if her own words were a conversation with darkness itself I was reading a novel today where a character, Ivan Karamazov, has a conversation with the 'devil', though he comes to realise the devil is a projection of him. Is this the darkn...