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- Mon Feb 19, 2018 4:48 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: The Last Drop, Edinburgh
- Replies: 9
- Views: 6204
Re: The Last Drop, Edinburgh
The constant allusion to food is clever especially when it comes full circle on liquorice black, and then ever more so with it's spelling. The switch from place to place, ritual to home to grave, seemed a little jostly to me. I could be severely misinterpreting, however. Good piece, nonetheless
- Mon Feb 19, 2018 4:41 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Watertight
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5760
Re: Watertight
Thanks for the corrections, Indar. I don't know how i missed the "their" one :oops: Janet, that's a really good idea because my words and ideas always jump around like crazy and that would help me stay focused. Alex, I didn't do a good job conveying it but I was trying to do a series of progressiv...
- Sun Feb 18, 2018 8:31 am
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Watertight
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5760
Re: Watertight
Matty, Thanks for your insight. Your detail with salmon certainly is a nice touch, as well as the reverse phrasing. I think the reverse sort of strays away from the meaning I was striving for, though. Maybe I need to solidify what I'm saying then, so the ambiguity is aimed in the right direction. Th...
- Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:57 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Driving Down Mount Palomar
- Replies: 13
- Views: 9276
Re: Driving Down Mount Palomar
Hi, Don't know much, but here's what I have. "Pinion pines line the inside" is incredibly well done, maybe it's the meter of it, but it flows so well in my opinion. Later, the line "keeps pace, climbs down the mountain" to me seems unnecessary and clunky, though. Almost stands on its own. Maybe ther...
- Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:43 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: Watertight
- Replies: 7
- Views: 5760
Watertight
How fast a stroll is a stride?
And how many waves make a tide?
What part of syntax,
is importance?
Under the ocean,
is their a trove,
questions unanswered,
& a lust for gold?
The fish swims passed,
wondering what's land.
But how can I convey,
he'll die if he knows
And how many waves make a tide?
What part of syntax,
is importance?
Under the ocean,
is their a trove,
questions unanswered,
& a lust for gold?
The fish swims passed,
wondering what's land.
But how can I convey,
he'll die if he knows
- Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:06 pm
- Forum: Post Your Poems
- Topic: February
- Replies: 9
- Views: 6584
Re: February
Doc says I have ADD. Your words tiptoe around that with more power in what isn't said than what is. Phenomenal artistry. More impressive, it seems to me like you're navigating around what you really want to say, loss or otherwise, purposefully and with prowess.
- Sat Feb 17, 2018 11:02 pm
- Forum: Introduce Yourself Here
- Topic: Mornin
- Replies: 2
- Views: 3395
Mornin
Name is Ike. Don't know poetry and it's not offered at my college, haven't found any useful online resources, so I'm here. I'm hoping to learn from you guys, although I don't have much to give. I will try my best though to contribute to the community.
Thanks for having me
Thanks for having me