The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Hi Mark A fun and pleasant read that moves easily and consistently. While I would have a few minor nits these are subjective and could upset certain balances. I would put a comma before and in the first line. I don't know why but my tendency in the reading is to chunk the first 6 words ' I wake befo...

Thanks for all the meassages, comments, advice and confusions. I had thought for a couple of days this had fallen under the radar. Matty - I wonder too. Indar - the last line is a reflection of thwarted ideas and anticipation - the best time to step in the water is the imagined time. Sharon - defini...

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Revision I test the water with my foot. Rather I test the temperature.   It’s hot. That is to say it rings alarm bells. Now I wait.   A veil of tension   stretches between me and dopamine wamth.   There are things I could do: sip on whiskey, the glass is poured and waiting on the enameled edge, ice...

Hi and thanks for the comments. Sometthing went wrong in the format. Will change.
Dave
 

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As one other comment pointed out this is the kind of poem toengender envy or in a book of poems be the one a reader would mark and return too often and quietly to find the beauty of life and the human ability to capture it in words. This is easily one of the best things you have posted among many ex...

Sharon
You don't need me to tell you that this is fabulous.
Dave
 

Hi Indar I ahve never read Hawaii but remember all those historical myth making books of the 70s and 80s. Well written and maybe well meaning but trying too hard to be epic. The last stanza does indeed end with a bit of a whimper perhaps because Hawaii became America as opposed to American sounds wr...

Hi Marc
An engaging and interesting read and also for the comments Tom made. I can see the intention behind his comments and also the value. It is another poem and voice but makes the piece a more coherent whole.
Dave