The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

An interesting enough narrative. Poetically, it seems to rely a lot on white space.

A finely spun piece. Enjoyed.

falling
impaled
 

Prefer the original, simpler version. Sparse everything.

This is just an extrapolation from a conversation with an enlightened doctor about the global cancer epidemic - almost 1 in 2 in the US, I believe. The doc's point was that we aren't living naturally.

.


what god created
this world for spirit
to eat from the earth
and drink from the sky

Well done on making the difficult seem easy. 

All of my small gestures
are now stills.

Like this ending - the way the insignificant becomes more profound with the passage of time. Good piece of writing all round.

Very good, Phil. My only faint niggle is that the ending couplet seems a little dense compared to the clean and lean lines preceding the ending. Really minor point.

Very nicely done there, drabbo. Couple of low spots but there's a definite ebb and flow on the back of some good phrasing and imagery. The poem connects, seems of a whole.