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Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Tim J Brennan
Posts: 655
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sat Nov 21, 2020 2:58 am

A woman peels apples,
setting them so as not to bruise,
into her mother’s wooden bowl—
one is heart-shaped, juice drops
like temperature before a rain. 

Near her, a pitcher of ice
water sweats clear beads
alongside table salt,
ghosts of missing links
within its whiteness. 

Outside her window, ice
crystals grow like tiny lenses,
even as earth’s orbit promises
resurrection and coverage
for a past year's sins.
Last edited by Tim J Brennan on Sun Nov 22, 2020 1:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.

penguin
Posts: 10
Joined: Sun Nov 22, 2020 9:58 am

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by penguin » Sun Nov 22, 2020 11:34 am

Tim J Brennan wrote:
Sat Nov 21, 2020 2:58 am
A woman peals apples,              - peels?
setting them so as not to bruise,
into her mother’s wooden bowl—
one is heart-shaped, juice drops
like temperature before a rain.    - the kind of phrase that doesn't really make sense but is lovely anyway

Near her, a pitcher of ice         - I'd suggest ice-water, on the same line
water sweats clear beads
alongside table salt,
ghosts of missing links               - I don't really understand these last 2 lines
within its whiteness. 

Outside her window, ice             - again I think ice crystals is better on the same line
crystals grow like tiny lenses,
even as earth’s orbit promises
resurrection and coverage         - interesting choice, coverage, maybe "coverage of"?
for a past year's sins.

 

Tim J Brennan
Posts: 655
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sun Nov 22, 2020 1:18 pm

"peels" 

Nice catch. Thanks.

Dave
Posts: 916
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Dave » Mon Nov 23, 2020 2:54 pm

I agree on Penguin's comments. The drops image is very sensual but odd and does not quite add up. Still the asethetics of the line make it.
Dave

Dave
Posts: 916
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 4:07 pm

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Dave » Mon Nov 23, 2020 2:54 pm

Also wanted to say that the poem rewards repeated reading.
Dave

Tim J Brennan
Posts: 655
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Contemplating a New Year's Resolution

Post by Tim J Brennan » Wed Nov 25, 2020 12:54 am

Dave wrote:
Mon Nov 23, 2020 2:54 pm
I agree on Penguin's comments. The drops image is very sensual but odd and does not quite add up. Still the asethetics of the line make it.
Dave
Thank you, Dave. I have heard that great minds think alike.

I like your interpretation of "sensual"....amazes me where folks go w/stuff sometimes. 

Thanks for always contributing something. Not many do here. Too bad, really. 

 

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