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Thanks but no thanks

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Dave
Posts: 2051
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Thanks but no thanks

Post by Dave » Wed Sep 28, 2022 2:21 pm

The way you lie there, on the couch, takes up space,
you sorry conservative, rolling the words ‚tax cuts‘
while in your glass the wine‘s oily sheen slithers 
slowly, painfully downwards. I dip my finger in that red
and wet it. I lick it, cough and spit it,

it the trickling, luxuriant Provenchal sunlit juice
onto your pristine shirt and thank 
you for a lovely evening
in your south-facing home. 
I know I won’t back.

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Colm Roe
Posts: 2818
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: Thanks but no thanks

Post by Colm Roe » Sat Oct 01, 2022 5:38 pm

I enjoyed this, Dave.
The image of Rees-Mogg, his arrogance and contempt as he stretched out in the House of Commons, is something that'll be remembered for a long time. And something that must have caused untold damage to the Conservatives. 
No crits, just appreciation for a well-written and very visual poem. 
Typo? it the trickling,

Dave
Posts: 2051
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Thanks but no thanks

Post by Dave » Mon Oct 03, 2022 2:37 pm

Thanlks for the comments Colm and for your return toa ction here on the site. The event sin britain at the moment are truly bizarre and hard to explain. Painful actually.

The 'it# in 'it the trickling' is a repeat for effect of the 'it ' in the previous line but can and probabyl should be left out.

Dave
 

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Colm Roe
Posts: 2818
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 12:45 am

Re: Thanks but no thanks

Post by Colm Roe » Mon Oct 03, 2022 7:07 pm

I like repeats. Maybe a comma?
it, the trickling
because there's definitely a slightly longer pause after it. 

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3394
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: Thanks but no thanks

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Wed Oct 05, 2022 12:26 pm

Feeling like a colonial here.  I got none of the references, context, or even a scooby as to what this is about.  Glad Colm is here to talk to you. 

T

Dave
Posts: 2051
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Thanks but no thanks

Post by Dave » Sun Oct 09, 2022 5:57 am

Tracy
I am afraid that absolutely no one can fathom the mysteries of the Tory party in Britain and its bizzare and dangerous belief in trickle-down economics at a time when the rich have multiplied their riches beyond all imagining and politicians make war on the poor rather than poverty.

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