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City Planners

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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indar
Posts: 3068
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

City Planners

Post by indar » Sun Aug 13, 2023 6:43 pm

One night I dreamed I flew with angles
over grids designed by visionaries.

What an enlightening flight it was,
all asphalt roofs and straight-edge canyons.

Who needs trees and grass, I shouted,
whipped aloft by heaven-bound updrafts.

I see it now, the sacred logic.
arranged in ninety degree intersects

to bring order out of nature's chaos
Praise god for inventing human intellect.

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Mark
Posts: 586
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Re: City Planners

Post by Mark » Sat Aug 19, 2023 2:48 pm

Good poem. Human intellect is a double-edged sword.

Dave
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Re: City Planners

Post by Dave » Mon Aug 21, 2023 6:37 am

All things have doubled edges I would say. Like the way the poem turns normal expectations.
 

indar
Posts: 3068
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: City Planners

Post by indar » Tue Aug 22, 2023 6:22 pm

Thank you both, Mark and Dave for your comments. It's heartening to see some activity on this forum. I won't be back for the beginning of Sept Fives--will check in when I can.

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Mark
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Re: City Planners

Post by Mark » Thu Aug 24, 2023 3:18 pm

Dave wrote:
Mon Aug 21, 2023 6:37 am
All things have doubled edges I would say. Like the way the poem turns normal expectations.
 

Possibly so but almost entirely trivial compared to the profound impact of human intellect in its various manifestations. 

Dave
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Re: City Planners

Post by Dave » Tue Aug 29, 2023 1:19 pm

You are right of course Mark.

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: City Planners

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Thu Oct 19, 2023 1:38 pm

Delightful! With a great closing line.  My first question was whether "angles" in Line 1 is a typo.  The mention of "grid" and later text suggests that there is no typo.  So after rolling "angels" around for a while, I am still at a loss as to which word functions better.  Each sort of subliminally suggests the other, but the interplay is not strong enough to give it much consideration.  "Angels" fits well with the religious themes which follow.  While "angles" is the stronger literal choice, "angels" has the most residual value.  Just my opinion.  Love a poem that sets me buzzing.

Cheers.


Matty11
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Re: City Planners

Post by Matty11 » Wed Nov 15, 2023 4:43 am

Good one. Quite like Tracy's suggestion. You may consider ditching the 'dreaming' context and just take a flight with angels.

Phil

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