Welcome to The Tangled Branch!  Join us.

Island Fiction

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
Matty11
Posts: 442
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Island Fiction

Post by Matty11 » Fri Dec 27, 2019 4:06 am

I could murder a cuppa
 mutters a knitting voice,
her claws purling patterns
  the Fair Isle way.

The kettle whistles, the brew
  as warming as a jumper -
outside gulls rock n' roll
  drunk on a burgundy sky.

The winged ways gleam
  in those full-throated, fish
-happy voices. She hears
  the thrill of fraying waves. 
Last edited by Matty11 on Sat Jan 18, 2020 2:49 am, edited 19 times in total.

User avatar
Colm Roe
Posts: 983
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

Re: Island Fiction

Post by Colm Roe » Sat Dec 28, 2019 3:01 am

A nice slice of island life...sounds like Heaven to my ears  :)

Matty11
Posts: 442
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Island Fiction

Post by Matty11 » Thu Jan 09, 2020 3:42 pm

Colm Roe wrote:
Sat Dec 28, 2019 3:01 am
A nice slice of island life...sounds like Heaven to my ears  :)
Thanks Colm. I didn't want to suggest 'heaven' and therefore revised a tad to counterbalance the 'comfortable' aspect.

cheers

Phil
 

User avatar
Colm Roe
Posts: 983
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 7:45 am

Re: Island Fiction

Post by Colm Roe » Fri Jan 10, 2020 1:13 am

When I say Heaven I mean the idea of living on an island,
a simple life lived close to nature :)

User avatar
Wren Tuatha
Posts: 97
Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2018 9:48 pm
Location: Sol Three
Contact:

Re: Island Fiction

Post by Wren Tuatha » Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:46 pm

Matty11 wrote:
Fri Dec 27, 2019 4:06 am
Hi Matty, love the word choices and sonics here. A musical treat! Thanks!

I could murder a cuppa       hangover?
 mutters a knitting voice,
her claws purling patterns
  the Fair Isle way.                 love the knitting metaphor. Assume purling is the verb, had to read it a couple of times in the dense economy to be sure.

The kettle whistles, the brew
  as warming as a jumper -   not sure I'm inside this simile. not sure if I lose it at warming or jumper. I am a landlover... Never mind got it on the third.
outside gulls rock and roll
  drunk on a burgundy sky.

The winged ways gleam
  in those full-throated, fish
-happy voices. She hears
  the thrill of fraying waves.  Excellent final stanza, especially the last line--thrill of fraying waves!

 

Matty11
Posts: 442
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Island Fiction

Post by Matty11 » Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:19 am

Colm Roe wrote:
Fri Jan 10, 2020 1:13 am
When I say Heaven I mean the idea of living on an island,
a simple life lived close to nature :)
Thanks for coming back Colm. Yes, the distinctions between simple and limiting have an individual consequence as are those 'progressions' outside tradition.

best

Phil
 

Matty11
Posts: 442
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Island Fiction

Post by Matty11 » Mon Jan 13, 2020 6:22 am

Assume purling is the verb,
Yes, it is Wren. Thank you for that thumbs up on the final line. A dud concluding line can kill the whole poem!

best

Phil

User avatar
Gyppo
Posts: 291
Joined: Sat Mar 31, 2018 9:28 pm
Location: UK

Re: Island Fiction

Post by Gyppo » Mon Jan 13, 2020 10:23 am

Sleepily evocative.

Fraying waves:  I would never have thought of them this way, but now you've mentioned it the image has stuck.  Waves along the shoreline sometimes seem more solid than liquid, despite their movement, so fraying is a good metaphor.
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

Matty11
Posts: 442
Joined: Fri Jan 12, 2018 2:58 am

Re: Island Fiction

Post by Matty11 » Wed Jan 15, 2020 8:34 am

Thanks for the thumbs up on that G. I wanted that one to work to contrast with the 'binding' of knitting.

best

Phil

poet-e
Posts: 94
Joined: Wed Jun 19, 2019 9:10 pm

Re: Island Fiction

Post by poet-e » Wed Jan 15, 2020 6:22 pm

Nice imagery.

Post Reply