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Frank Goes to Heaven

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
Tim J Brennan

Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Tim J Brennan » Mon Dec 03, 2018 9:06 pm

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Last edited by Tim J Brennan on Wed Jan 16, 2019 9:05 am, edited 2 times in total.

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Mark
Posts: 586
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Mark » Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:07 pm

I like Frank's exit line and the dust. Is there a reason for capitalizing 'small'?
What is the reason for the day's stale sweetness? On rereading, I took it that the subway or station platform was his experience of 'going into the light' and as such it's an original representation but if so, why would it be a stale experience?
I like the surrealistic ans jaded tone of the poem, it builds well to and then ratchets up, after 'stale sweetness'. which may be why that phrase sticks out there for me.  

Tim J Brennan

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Tim J Brennan » Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:21 pm

Mark wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:07 pm
I like Frank's exit line and the dust. Is there a reason for capitalizing 'small'?
What is the reason for the day's stale sweetness? On rereading, I took it that the subway or station platform was his experience of 'going into the light' and as such it's an original representation but if so, why would it be a stale experience?
I like the surrealistic ans jaded tone of the poem, it builds well to and then ratchets up, after 'stale sweetness'. which may be why that phrase sticks out there for me.  

Thanks, Mark. I like your third line...you pretty much answered yourself on the reread. A lot of times (sometimes even a day later), I might come back to a poem. That you made the effort to reread makes me glad.

As far as the "staleness" of Frank's experience, well, life might seem a bit stale (maybe another way to say "bitter sweet?) when one realizes you're about to take off w/God as your driver. I would think so, anyway.

Thanks for the thoughts.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Dave » Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:57 am

On the whole enjoyed this. A fun piece. Question: chairs burning or Frank?
My only quibble is: I am getting it tonight, baby.
This is tonally different and ok as a Brit - not your fault I know - baby jars. But who cares? Easy read

Tim J Brennan

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Tim J Brennan » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:23 pm

Dave wrote:
Wed Dec 05, 2018 8:57 am
On the whole enjoyed this. A fun piece. Question: chairs burning or Frank?
My only quibble is: I am getting it tonight, baby.
This is tonally different and ok as a Brit - not your fault I know - baby jars. But who cares? Easy read

Glad you enjoyed on the whole, Dave. As per usual, have no clue to what "baby jars" refers.
But who cares? ;)

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Dave » Fri Dec 07, 2018 2:38 am

It is unimportant. The word jars means it stands out and grates somewhat. I always found 'baby' a weird word - doesn't mean you need to change anything. It is the kind of word that an American can make sound natural and sounds absolutely stupid when a British person uses it, in my experience.
Dave
 

Tim J Brennan

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Tim J Brennan » Fri Dec 07, 2018 8:07 am

Dave wrote:
Fri Dec 07, 2018 2:38 am
It is unimportant. The word jars means it stands out and grates somewhat. I always found 'baby' a weird word - doesn't mean you need to change anything. It is the kind of word that an American can make sound natural and sounds absolutely stupid when a British person uses it, in my experience.
Dave
 

...well, I guess you should stay away from using the word then. I grew up on late '60's / 70's music & television/movies...

who loves ya', baby?

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Mark
Posts: 586
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 4:19 am

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Mark » Fri Dec 07, 2018 2:10 pm

Tim J Brennan wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 3:21 pm
Mark wrote:
Tue Dec 04, 2018 1:07 pm
I like Frank's exit line and the dust. Is there a reason for capitalizing 'small'?
What is the reason for the day's stale sweetness? On rereading, I took it that the subway or station platform was his experience of 'going into the light' and as such it's an original representation but if so, why would it be a stale experience?
I like the surrealistic ans jaded tone of the poem, it builds well to and then ratchets up, after 'stale sweetness'. which may be why that phrase sticks out there for me.  

Thanks, Mark. I like your third line...you pretty much answered yourself on the reread. A lot of times (sometimes even a day later), I might come back to a poem. That you made the effort to reread makes me glad.

As far as the "staleness" of Frank's experience, well, life might seem a bit stale (maybe another way to say "bitter sweet?) when one realizes you're about to take off w/God as your driver. I would think so, anyway.

Thanks for the thoughts. 
That's my point - the poem's construction lent me the impression the stale sweetness is associated with God's road trip but yeah, stale sweetness is a good descriptor for a life that's over.
 

indar
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by indar » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:55 pm

There is a book titled The Poets Companion that is quite good. In it the authors suggest many great prompts. One, if I remember correctly is about someone's arrival in heaven. I wrote a response to it and I'm going to post it as soon as I can find it. I very much like these (slightly irreverent) type imaginings. (I'm of an age, however, that causes me a knee-jerk "ick" reaction to an F bomb)

Tim J Brennan

Re: Frank Goes to Heaven

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sun Dec 09, 2018 10:41 am

indar wrote:
Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:55 pm
There is a book titled The Poets Companion that is quite good. In it the authors suggest many great prompts. One, if I remember correctly is about someone's arrival in heaven. I wrote a response to it and I'm going to post it as soon as I can find it. I very much like these (slightly irreverent) type imaginings. (I'm of an age, however, that causes me a knee-jerk "ick" reaction to an F bomb)

me, too. But Frank used to say it all the time so it fits for me.

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