The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Love this, Tim.

The poetry in the narration is strong and subtle. The rough ambiance of the poem enchants.

Two small nits. The 'stale sweetness' still has me rotating. Whatever the trip to the afterlife may be, I can conceive of no imagined set of circumstances describable as stale. The banality of final reality makes no sense to me. Of course, nonsense can be a wonderful part of a poetic sequence. But as I say, I keep hanging up here.

Second, as I read this aloud, I keep wanted to read stanzas two and four in the present tense rather than future.

This is one of the more imaginative poems you have posted here and it is a delight.

T

Tracy Mitchell wrote: ↑

Sun Dec 09, 2018 11:06 am

Love this, Tim.

The poetry in the narration is strong and subtle. The rough ambiance of the poem enchants.

Two small nits. The 'stale sweetness' still has me rotating. Whatever the trip to the afterlife may be, I can conceive of no imagined set of circumstances describable as stale. The banality of final reality makes no sense to me. Of course, nonsense can be a wonderful part of a poetic sequence. But as I say, I keep hanging up here.

Second, as I read this aloud, I keep wanted to read stanzas two and four in the present tense rather than future.

This is one of the more imaginative poems you have posted here and it is a delight.

T

Well, he really isn't quite there yet, Tracy, until he gets to wherever he's going w/God in the Nova. Best I can do for ya'.

I wrote a play that going to be performed down in Iowa next April. It's about a guy who's in a park and God comes to visit him. God tells him he needed to put him there for a bit so he could "catch up" on some other loose ends. The guy's doing a crossword puzzle. Not a lot of razz-ma-tazz. The "final reality" you speak of...I wouldn't have a clue about. The poem (and play) is my version of what happens before you get there.

Agree totally w/present tense. Edited to reflect this. Let me know if I missed anything (verb or such).

Thanks.

Good idea for a play -- and it gives me a better understanding of what you had in mind for this poem. Thanks for the explanation.

I often write poems off my plays (even if it's only theme) or vice versa. Thanks, Tracy.

Man, I enjoy reading this. I'm amazed at, I don't know the word, tangible, recognizable, maybe, Frank is.

The rusted-out Nova is the star of the show for me. Can't say why.

Thanks for this one. I'll be back to it often. Just don't expect anything constructive. Every read will be a selfish act. 

Marc Gilbert wrote: ↑

Sat Dec 15, 2018 8:04 am

Man, I enjoy reading this. I'm amazed at, I don't know the word, tangible, recognizable, maybe, Frank is.

The rusted-out Nova is the star of the show for me. Can't say why.

Thanks for this one. I'll be back to it often. Just don't expect anything constructive. Every read will be a selfish act. 

Thank you. Nova was the cheap man's Chevelle back in the day. Wonderful car.

Been coming back to this several times over the last - whatsit? 10 days or so? - and have been meaning to write a review but couldn't find the words. I probably still can't but will give it a go now anyway.

I like it. I've no idea about Novas, would never use the word baby in this context, but that doesn't matter. Frank sounds like a fun guy. And, although I'm also of the age that the F-word should cause a knee-jerk reaction in me, it doesn't. I find it hilarious. But I'm Dutch. We're a sweary people.

Dansinger wrote: ↑

Tue Dec 18, 2018 4:26 am

Been coming back to this several times over the last - whatsit? 10 days or so? - and have been meaning to write a review but couldn't find the words. I probably still can't but will give it a go now anyway.

I like it. I've no idea about Novas, would never use the word baby in this context, but that doesn't matter. Frank sounds like a fun guy. And, although I'm also of the age that the F-word should cause a knee-jerk reaction in me, it doesn't. I find it hilarious. But I'm Dutch. We're a sweary people.

Thanks for coming several times. Glad you like it. Frank "was" fun. He died three years ago. Maybe he's still a fun guy but I hope I don't find out for awhile.

You're the second person to mention "baby" this way, which should cause a knee-jerk reaction in me, but it doesn't

I only swear on the golf course.

Tim J Brennan wrote: ↑

Tue Dec 18, 2018 2:06 pm

I only swear on the golf course.

Blimey! You must not be very sweary then!

Dansinger wrote: ↑

Tue Dec 18, 2018 3:20 pm

Tim J Brennan wrote: ↑

Tue Dec 18, 2018 2:06 pm

I only swear on the golf course.

Blimey! You must not be very sweary then!

...you've never seen me golf.