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On the Danger List
On the Danger List
Last edited by Tim J Brennan on Tue Jan 15, 2019 4:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Re: On the Danger List
I'm getting up there in age now. So S4 ses it all for me. Well done.
Re: On the Danger List
Well Tim this different. I like the fact it is not a linear narrative. In stanza 3 judging by position of 'they're' it is the animals who are worried. If it is the people in S2 who are worried, it has to be written differently.
I like the phrase ' scar tissue romance' but is made a bit redundant by the tears and bad romance, sort of gilds the lily.
'I think I used to' - does that I think add enough to justify itself given the 3 uses of I in such a short space
I like the phrase ' scar tissue romance' but is made a bit redundant by the tears and bad romance, sort of gilds the lily.
'I think I used to' - does that I think add enough to justify itself given the 3 uses of I in such a short space
Re: On the Danger List
Dave wrote: ↑Thu Jan 10, 2019 6:45 amWell Tim this different. I like the fact it is not a linear narrative. In stanza 3 judging by position of 'they're' it is the animals who are worried. If it is the people in S2 who are worried, it has to be written differently.
I like the phrase ' scar tissue romance' but is made a bit redundant by the tears and bad romance, sort of gilds the lily.
'I think I used to' - does that I think add enough to justify itself given the 3 uses of I in such a short space
"animals" deliberately vague, Dave. Folks in scar tissue romances remind me of animals, I guess. Thanks.
Thinking about your other comments.
Re: On the Danger List
I guess by vague you mean animals is a catch all phrase that includes humans. It still does not work for me but if it does for you then so be it. I see i garbled my last comment. More a question of the plethora of I and verbs.
Re: On the Danger List
Thanks for clarifying your thoughts, Dave. As I said, still thinking about them. As for the "...animals" image...you are correct, so be it. I think the "plethora" idea has merit.