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3 in 5s and 7s

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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indar
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

3 in 5s and 7s

Post by indar » Thu Jan 24, 2019 9:27 am

3 in 5s and 7s

Menthol memories
rain falls on eucalyptus,
scent of mother-care.

Dry grass sizzles red,
exploding eucalyptus
blackening the sky.

A eucalyptus
exhales a breath of blackbirds
in wordless answer.
 

indar
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by indar » Thu Jan 24, 2019 10:01 am

https://www.thehaikufoundation.org/2016 ... thergrams/

https://www.lonegoosepress.com/publicat ... thergrams/

I taught middle school art at a college prep school: Breck. The school at the time was situated on the Mississippi River. I took my calligraphy students to its banks to write weathergrams. Properly done--one grinds stick ink on an inkstone and cuts a reed with which to letter (we used speedball dip pens). We cut brown paper grocery bags into strips and let the woods and river provide the sudden flash of insight to letter out on the paper  and tie to a tree. We tied the strips to low tree branches as messages to fellow woods strollers and to the universe. Reynolds was influenced by Eastern practices: Haiku, Buddhist prayer flags, and so forth. The practice continues among tree-huggers and such.

Writing the above Haikus prompted a couple of flashbacks to that time when people were still discussing "Silent Spring".

Things are getting worse.

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Thu Jan 24, 2019 4:51 pm

These are special stanzas, Indar. The three senses/consequences of eucalyptus are revealing. Thanks for the links - very helpful in realizing your context. But the lines stand alone, in my view. Not excited about the title, just the rest. :)

T

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Colm Roe
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by Colm Roe » Thu Jan 24, 2019 6:07 pm

S2 is good.
S1 is excellent.
S3 is sublime.
 

indar
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by indar » Fri Jan 25, 2019 8:31 am

Thank you both, Tracy and Colm for the read and feedback. One thing about Haiku (s) is once one manages to get the syllable count right there's not much more one can do with it.

I can change the Title though--the obvious one: "Eucalyptus" nope. I'll think on it.

Dave
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by Dave » Fri Jan 25, 2019 9:18 am

Hi indar i would like to add my admiration for this/these short pieces. Linked and radically different. Very well written.

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Fri Jan 25, 2019 9:52 am

Indar -- agree on the syllable count straight-jacket. That's what makes the Kerouac Haiku so appealing in my view. Technically, of course, haiku has/have no title. But still, you can't post without something in the Subject line. I think it is less objectionable to title a haiku string, as we have here. And really, I don't think there is an effective way to title haiku. Once you do the title becomes one of the meaning points, which distorts the operation of the lines.

T

indar
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by indar » Fri Jan 25, 2019 10:17 am

So I'm off the hook?

indar
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by indar » Fri Jan 25, 2019 10:25 am

Hi indar i would like to add my admiration for this/these short pieces. Linked and radically different. Very well written.

Thanks Dave,

I tried to suggest an underlying theme

I posted the links to info on "weathergrams" with the Haikus but Reynolds loosely limited them to 10 words: nature inspired--note to the universe. I think it would be a fun idea to start a thread following his recommendation. I lack the leadership skills to actually start something but--suggest it ---



indar
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Re: 3 in 5s and 7s

Post by indar » Fri Jan 25, 2019 10:27 am

PS--Reynolds was my calligraphy teacher's teacher.

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