Black Sea memories rewrite

[Dave]

Don't eat my brother
leave his fish flesh in the Black Sea .
Feed from the mountain grass,
and drink in the doleful breeze
that sways to a chill waltz
even the hottest summer can't warm.
Our footprints will never wash away.

[indar]

Intriguing poem Dave,

I resonate to it despite not being clear about the nature of the message. I want to live lightly on the earth--doing as little harm as possible. Sometimes that aspiration can get to be unrealistic (feeding from the wind). Maybe that is the point of this piece--it works for me. One little problem for me is the repetition of "wind" Feed from the air, drink from the wind perhaps?

[Dave]

Thanks Indar. The prompt for the piece was a piece of Carcassian music and a comment i read about not eating fish from the Black Sea because they contain the souls of brothers who had died there. You are right about the wind of course. Did not see it

[Tracy Mitchell]

I am taken by the spiritual feel of this poem. The first two lines are a powerful opening. I did not see the reference as the actual Black Sea, but metaphorical, which fits well with what follows. Consider a semi-colon or em-dash at the close of line one, and loose the space before the period at the close of line two.

L.6 - can't > won't . . ? just asking.

I am not sold on the title, but have only vague thoughts about it.

Stunning closing line, wonderful poem.

T