Night Dialogue

[binx]

During night-hours,
the sleeping woman
whispers to herself 
as if her own words
were a conversation
with darkness itself— 
she smudges, wishes,
kisses the language
on a tissue of air. 

Through the bedroom
window, a layer of new
snow veils the field.

by George

[Tom]

Hi Binx,

Welcome to The Tangled Branch.

by George. -- I wasn't sure if you are George and noting your authorship, or if that might be the last line of the poem itself. No matter for now. I very much like the poem and the way it unfolds.

If you would be so kind, you can click this link -- Introduce Yourself Here -- and post an introduction to let the writers learn a bit about you.

The "Start Here" board gives you plenty of information about the site, what is expected, and how to get around. As you will discover, this is a give-and-take critique board and you can expect feedback to your poems which will likely increase the more you interact with other folks' poems as well.

Again, welcome.

T

[Matty11]

During night-hours,
the sleeping woman
whispers to herself 
as if her own words
were a conversation
with darkness itself

I was reading a novel today where a character, Ivan Karamazov, has a conversation with the 'devil', though he comes to realise the devil is a projection of him. Is this the darkness in the poem?

Welcome to TB by the way.

[binx]

Hi Binx,

Welcome to The Tangled Branch.

by George. -- I wasn't sure if you are George and noting your authorship, or if that might be the last line of the poem itself. No matter for now. I very much like the poem and the way it unfolds.

If you would be so kind, you can click this link -- Introduce Yourself Here -- and post an introduction to let the writers learn a bit about you.

The "Start Here" board gives you plenty of information about the site, what is expected, and how to get around. As you will discover, this is a give-and-take critique board and you can expect feedback to your poems which will likely increase the more you interact with other folks' poems as well.

Again, welcome.

T

George is my name, Tom.  Not Binx (long story).  Thank you.

[binx]

During night-hours,
the sleeping woman
whispers to herself 
as if her own words
were a conversation
with darkness itself

I was reading a novel today where a character, Ivan Karamazov, has a conversation with the 'devil', though he comes to realise the devil is a projection of him. Is this the darkness in the poem?

Welcome to TB by the way.  

The Brothers Karamazov a fine book, Matty11.  No devil in my poem. Call me George.    

[Dave]

Welcome George
Very nice poem. Good flow and atmosphere

[Tom]

George it is, then.

Cheers.

T

[Ike]

Welcome, George. This reads very well. Going through it I felt as though it could be a piece I was reading in a literature class trying to deconstruct. I'm not sure if it would actually be better but I can't help but think an intro stanza similar to the last would help here. Sort of like a "there must be some way out of here said the joker to the thief... two riders were approaching the wind began to howl" I can almost hear the harsh harmonica while reading yours. just my 2 cents

ike

[binx]

Welcome George
Very nice poem. Good flow and atmosphere

Thank you, Dave.

by George

[binx]

Welcome, George. This reads very well. Going through it I felt as though it could be a piece I was reading in a literature class trying to deconstruct. I'm not sure if it would actually be better but I can't help but think an intro stanza similar to the last would help here. Sort of like a "there must be some way out of here said the joker to the thief... two riders were approaching the wind began to howl" I can almost hear the harsh harmonica while reading yours. just my 2 cents

ike

Thank you, Ike.  Big change, adding another stanza.

I also like a good harmonica.

by George