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Night Dialogue
Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 8:16 am
by binx
During night-hours,
the sleeping woman
whispers to herself
as if her own words
were a conversation
with darkness itself—
she smudges, wishes,
kisses the language
on a tissue of air.
Through the bedroom
window, a layer of new
snow veils the field.
by George
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:29 am
by Tom
Hi Binx,
Welcome to The Tangled Branch.
by George. -- I wasn't sure if you are George and noting your authorship, or if that might be the last line of the poem itself. No matter for now. I very much like the poem and the way it unfolds.
If you would be so kind, you can click this link --
Introduce Yourself Here -- and post an introduction to let the writers learn a bit about you.
The "Start Here" board gives you plenty of information about the site, what is expected, and how to get around. As you will discover, this is a give-and-take critique board and you can expect feedback to your poems which will likely increase the more you interact with other folks' poems as well.
Again, welcome.
T
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:36 pm
by Matty11
During night-hours,
the sleeping woman
whispers to herself
as if her own words
were a conversation
with darkness itself
I was reading a novel today where a character, Ivan Karamazov, has a conversation with the 'devil', though he comes to realise the
devil is a projection of him. Is this the darkness in the poem?
Welcome to TB by the way.
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:11 pm
by binx
Tom wrote: ↑Mon Mar 04, 2019 10:29 am
Hi Binx,
Welcome to The Tangled Branch.
by George. -- I wasn't sure if you are George and noting your authorship, or if that might be the last line of the poem itself. No matter for now. I very much like the poem and the way it unfolds.
If you would be so kind, you can click this link --
Introduce Yourself Here -- and post an introduction to let the writers learn a bit about you.
The "Start Here" board gives you plenty of information about the site, what is expected, and how to get around. As you will discover, this is a give-and-take critique board and you can expect feedback to your poems which will likely increase the more you interact with other folks' poems as well.
Again, welcome.
T
George is my name, Tom. Not Binx (long story). Thank you.
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 1:14 pm
by binx
Matty11 wrote: ↑Mon Mar 04, 2019 12:36 pm
During night-hours,
the sleeping woman
whispers to herself
as if her own words
were a conversation
with darkness itself
I was reading a novel today where a character, Ivan Karamazov, has a conversation with the 'devil', though he comes to realise the
devil is a projection of him. Is this the darkness in the poem?
Welcome to TB by the way.
The Brothers Karamazov a fine book, Matty11. No devil in my poem. Call me George.
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 3:13 pm
by Dave
Welcome George
Very nice poem. Good flow and atmosphere
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Mon Mar 04, 2019 7:42 pm
by Tom
George it is, then.
Cheers.
T
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Wed Mar 06, 2019 2:09 am
by Ike
Welcome, George. This reads very well. Going through it I felt as though it could be a piece I was reading in a literature class trying to deconstruct. I'm not sure if it would actually be better but I can't help but think an intro stanza similar to the last would help here. Sort of like a "there must be some way out of here said the joker to the thief... two riders were approaching the wind began to howl" I can almost hear the harsh harmonica while reading yours. just my 2 cents
ike
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2019 8:18 am
by binx
Dave wrote: ↑Mon Mar 04, 2019 3:13 pm
Welcome George
Very nice poem. Good flow and atmosphere
Thank you, Dave.
by George
Re: Night Dialogue
Posted: Thu Mar 07, 2019 8:20 am
by binx
Ike wrote: ↑Wed Mar 06, 2019 2:09 am
Welcome, George. This reads very well. Going through it I felt as though it could be a piece I was reading in a literature class trying to deconstruct. I'm not sure if it would actually be better but I can't help but think an intro stanza similar to the last would help here. Sort of like a "there must be some way out of here said the joker to the thief... two riders were approaching the wind began to howl" I can almost hear the harsh harmonica while reading yours. just my 2 cents
ike
Thank you, Ike. Big change, adding another stanza.
I also like a good harmonica.
by George