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Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Wed Mar 13, 2019 9:13 am
by binx
Daughter I never had,
tugging my arm-sleeve 
hanging heavy as an anchor
rooted to the tip of my tongue. 

I toss restlessly in half
sleep, a boat captain
throwing a lifeline, towing
you gently through my dreams.


by George

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 9:49 am
by indar
Oh Binx,

what a beautiful poem--all I can say is: I love it.

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Thu Mar 14, 2019 2:41 pm
by Dave
It has taken quite a few reads to really enter into the world of the poem but i am getting there. Is there any advantage poetically to calling a sleeve an arm- sleeve, which i admit is an expression i have never heard.

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:36 pm
by binx
indar wrote:
Thu Mar 14, 2019 9:49 am
Oh Binx,

what a beautiful poem--all I can say is: I love it.

Call me GEORGE, Indar.  Thank you. 

 

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 1:38 pm
by binx
Dave wrote:
Thu Mar 14, 2019 2:41 pm
It has taken quite a few reads to really enter into the world of the poem but i am getting there. Is there any advantage poetically to calling a sleeve an arm- sleeve, which i admit is an expression i have never heard.

Am glad you entered, Dave. Stay awhile.  Arm-sleeve is more common than you think.

by George 

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2019 3:53 pm
by Tracy Mitchell
This is wonderful, George. Beautiful.

T

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:51 am
by binx
Tracy Mitchell wrote:
Fri Mar 15, 2019 3:53 pm
This is wonderful, George. Beautiful.

T

Thank you, Tracy.

by George

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Sat Mar 16, 2019 11:36 pm
by Matty11
Enjoyed this George. Inventive (especially L4). The line break in L5 rather snaps the line, though I presume the intention was to reflect the sense of 'half'. If the latter, the device feels contrived in such a heart-felt write.

best

Phil
binx wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 9:13 am
Daughter I never had,
tugging my arm-sleeve 
hanging heavy as an anchor
rooted to the tip of my tongue. 

I toss restlessly in half
sleep, a boat captain
throwing a lifeline, towing
you gently through my dreams.


by George

 

Re: Jennifer, Not Here

Posted: Mon Mar 18, 2019 9:17 am
by binx
Matty11 wrote:
Sat Mar 16, 2019 11:36 pm
Enjoyed this George. Inventive (especially L4). The line break in L5 rather snaps the line, though I presume the intention was to reflect the sense of 'half'. If the latter, the device feels contrived in such a heart-felt write.

best

Phil
binx wrote:
Wed Mar 13, 2019 9:13 am
Daughter I never had,
tugging my arm-sleeve 
hanging heavy as an anchor
rooted to the tip of my tongue. 

I toss restlessly in half
sleep, a boat captain
throwing a lifeline, towing
you gently through my dreams.


by George

Hi, Phil. Thanks for the suggestion. Not getting that same contrived feeling here.  
But thanks. Happy other things seem to get your attention in the right way.

by George