Jane carving on the bench dedicated
in loving memory of a husband.
Not hers. But she liked his cheeky grin. His hands.
I don't see the confusion with the original use of 'Jay'...'Not hers' tells us her gender!
I keep snagging on the first two lines.
Jane carving on THE bench dedicated etc. means she's carving something on a bench already dedicated to the man.
Regardless of whether she is the 2nd or only carver these two lines appear to be grammatically off. I don't think you can say 'dedicated in loving memory of a husband'
Dedicated TO a loving husband (or something similar) would be the correct use.
A suggested edit:
Jane's carving on the bench dedicates it to
the memory of a husband,
not hers. But she liked his cheeky grin. His hands.
Anywho, I'm still loving this excellent poem.
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Pontypool Park: A Formative Year
Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year
Thanks for returning and the thumbs up Tracy and Indar. Colm I have tweaked a little in light of your comment.
cheers
Phil
cheers
Phil
Re: Pontypool Park: A Formative Year
Much better IMO.
But three full stops in L3?
But three full stops in L3?