The freak appeared,
too familiar to be foreign
too prolific to be removed.
Similar to others, but it hummed gospel
while they sang Alleluia.
Its web spun lies through bright boulevards
in thick congeals, snagged easy in the mortar
then spilled easier over the surface
and dulled the sounds
that reflect
off, those once
comfortable cobbled streets.
(This is not about me , I'm fine )
Welcome to The Tangled Branch! Join us.
The freak
Re: The freak
Hi Colm,
I was immediately intrigued reading the first 2 stanzas. But then the web imagery kind of ground the narrative to a halt for me. (the web snagged in the mortar is a vivid image but doesn't seem to belong here). The outlier freakish presence and some kind of spider activity doesn't. I think the intent is to comment on hoe the humming of gospel casts some kind of spell but to my reading this fine beginning needs a more definitive ending statement.
I was immediately intrigued reading the first 2 stanzas. But then the web imagery kind of ground the narrative to a halt for me. (the web snagged in the mortar is a vivid image but doesn't seem to belong here). The outlier freakish presence and some kind of spider activity doesn't. I think the intent is to comment on hoe the humming of gospel casts some kind of spell but to my reading this fine beginning needs a more definitive ending statement.
Re: The freak
Thanks for your comments
Freak is any disease/cancer.
S3 is its travels through the body.
I'll think about a title change.
Freak is any disease/cancer.
S3 is its travels through the body.
I'll think about a title change.
Re: The freak
Its web spun lies through bright boulevards
in thick congeals, snagged easy in the mortar
then spilled easier over the surface
Hmmmm--then I don't understand the above in the context of disease. Disease doesn't spread lies but there are many ways lies get told in the presence of disease from family and friends whose well intentioned assurances can actually be painful to the medical professional's soft pedaling of---whatever.
in thick congeals, snagged easy in the mortar
then spilled easier over the surface
Hmmmm--then I don't understand the above in the context of disease. Disease doesn't spread lies but there are many ways lies get told in the presence of disease from family and friends whose well intentioned assurances can actually be painful to the medical professional's soft pedaling of---whatever.
Re: The freak
I'll think about a title change. I liked the poem once I read what it was about! Alternatively you could clue the reader in with a reveal to conclude.
best
phil
best
phil
Re: The freak
Cheers Matty.
I kinda like your idea of leaving the clue till the end, instead of the title, with this one