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Key of Spring

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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binx
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Mar 03, 2019 6:06 pm

Key of Spring

Post by binx » Fri Mar 22, 2019 4:53 pm

After winter language fails
or falls behind and is unable
to keep up, put people into 

a position to want outside again;
like when cities are populated
with orchards and voices 

and all the songs begin
in the key of spring. Let them
feel the water sway clean, 

allow steel grey clouds to drift
off their skin, play forest or mountain.
Tell them to escape the holes, 

stand in daylight, and let the sun
fall into place and follow them
to another voyage of summer bliss.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Key of Spring

Post by Dave » Sat Mar 23, 2019 4:28 am

A very good poem that breathes new life into a dull subject

indar
Posts: 2908
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Key of Spring

Post by indar » Sat Mar 23, 2019 8:43 am

like when cities are populated
with orchards and voices 


Stand out line here--orchards and voices is exactly right. There is so much to love in this poem. 

allow steel grey clouds to drift
off their skin,

I visualize the city buildings sluffing off winter in a rising steam of gray clouds. 

Let them

feel the water sway clean, 

To my reading the "them" of this statement needs identification such as:

Let those who wander amidst the bower of buildings"

Love this poem--love the similies--spring transforming the city to a natural forested blooming wonderful awakening

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3179
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: Key of Spring

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sat Mar 23, 2019 9:45 am

I agree with Indar's comments and appreciate as well the lines she has highlighted.

Cheers.

T

binx
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Mar 03, 2019 6:06 pm

Re: Key of Spring

Post by binx » Sat Mar 23, 2019 11:15 am

Dave wrote:
Sat Mar 23, 2019 4:28 am
A very good poem that breathes new life into a dull subject

Spring is never dull, Dave. I am happy you like the poem.

by George

binx
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Mar 03, 2019 6:06 pm

Re: Key of Spring

Post by binx » Sat Mar 23, 2019 11:22 am

indar wrote:
Sat Mar 23, 2019 8:43 am
like when cities are populated
with orchards and voices 


Stand out line here--orchards and voices is exactly right. There is so much to love in this poem. 

allow steel grey clouds to driftoff their skin,

I visualize the city buildings sluffing off winter in a rising steam of gray clouds. 

Let them
feel the water sway clean, 

To my reading the "them" of this statement needs identification such as:

Let those who wander amidst the bower of buildings"

Love this poem--love the similies--spring transforming the city to a natural forested blooming wonderful awakening
Thank you, Indar.

The poem is (you) understood subject. One is free to interject "who" (POV) the subject is meant to be. Same could be said for "them"-- in this way, if the reader so chooses to make it a "God" poem, the them is easily interpreted.  I do see your point though.  I need to evaluate this and decide, as the writer, whether I want to "lead" the reader by their nose or let them think for themselves. Always a dilemma.

Thank you so much for your positive reaction. 

by George
 

binx
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Mar 03, 2019 6:06 pm

Re: Key of Spring

Post by binx » Sat Mar 23, 2019 11:23 am

Tracy Mitchell wrote:
Sat Mar 23, 2019 9:45 am
I agree with Indar's comments and appreciate as well the lines she has highlighted.

Cheers.

T

Thank you. 

by George

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Key of Spring

Post by Dave » Sat Mar 23, 2019 12:11 pm

Love the poem. Love spring is never dull. Poems about seasons very often are. This one not which is to its credit. Imho

binx
Posts: 62
Joined: Sun Mar 03, 2019 6:06 pm

Re: Key of Spring

Post by binx » Sat Mar 23, 2019 2:09 pm

Dave wrote:
Sat Mar 23, 2019 12:11 pm
Love the poem. Love spring is never dull. Poems about seasons very often are. This one not which is to its credit. Imho

Thank you again, Dave. Whoever invented the concept of credit was a genius.

by George  

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