Succulence

[Dave]

Suggestions no as that would presume i could improve it. Just observations. Stanza 4 stops the flow and removes it from the realm of tge personal. Moreover i cant visualise it or wuite believe it. In S 1 the words wind - movement - did not work well with tongues tying in S2. Hard to utter words with a tied tongue. Probably a minor jump implying a time switch. Thevpetition of mouth in s 4 and S 5, jars a little. As i said just my initial impressions. The poem is interesting in a formal sort of way but not for me at least very engaging.

[binx]

Thank you for your "observations" and your candidness, Dave. Myself, I skip poems that I can't engage with. Saves me time and aggravation.

George