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Notre Dame 2019

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Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Notre Dame 2019

Post by Dave » Sun Jun 09, 2019 1:53 pm

Each burnt and broken stone
aspires to more than death 

whether placed in mouths
or collapsed by fate.

Minds set on blessings 
soon command voices

to rise beyond doubt
and hands to build.
Last edited by Dave on Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

indar
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Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 8:00 am

Re: Each burnt and broken

Post by indar » Sun Jun 09, 2019 5:01 pm

OK Dave, I'm going to make some wild guesses that stones represent the impenetrable who hope for salvation in the manner of those who hold up their hands in supplication despite all odds and reason.

Burnt and broken stones. Despite my aversion to the religious right --if that really is what is intended, my heart goes out to them in this poem.

 

Tim J Brennan

Re: Each burnt and broken

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sun Jun 09, 2019 6:42 pm

Not sure the formatting offers anything positive to the poem, Dave. White space has never been a favorite of mine "inside" the poem itself.

I don't want to venture some wild guess but Indar's would be as good as mine would be and to be honest, I just don't want to approach a poem this way.

The title might have been a clue but since it's Dickinson-esque, it's not helping either.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Each burnt and broken

Post by Dave » Mon Jun 10, 2019 2:47 am

Thanks for the comments. Very useful. I have no sympathies or anything with the religious right in the USA but am intrigued the poem triggers your heart to go out to them. Format is simply a conflict between me and the Website and I was too lazy to adjust. I have changed the title, may or may not be helpful.

Have a great day.

Dave

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Gyppo
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Location: UK

Re: Notre Dame 2019

Post by Gyppo » Mon Jun 10, 2019 7:32 am

To me, even before your change of title made it more specific, it spoke eloquently of the human drive to rebuild or replace.  Whether the cause be natural such as an earthquake/flood, man-made, such as war/terrorism, or simply an accident.

There are some places/structures/objects which become part of our lives and if they get damaged it seems impossible not to rebuild/restore.

Even with some purely natural structures, destined to be eroded and fall by nature, we sometimes try to delay this as long as possible by adding man-made reinforcements of steel and concrete.  Some weird coastal rock formations carved by random wind and sea can't be rebuilt, and that somehow seems eventually acceptable even if we fight against it as long as we can.

A couple of weeks ago I was visiting a house on a hillside, where the spire of Salisbury Cathedral was on the same level and seemed to rise from nothingness beyond the fold in the earth at the end of the garden.  The rest of the cathedral was hidden.  I imagine living with that long term would shape your mental landscape, leaving you without the visual anchor if it was suddenly destroyed.

People are weird, and wouldn't life be dull and grey if they weren't?

Gyppo
I've been writing ever since I realised I could.  Storytelling since I started talking.  Poetry however comes and goes  ;-)

indar
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Re: Notre Dame 2019

Post by indar » Wed Jun 12, 2019 8:25 am

I remember a few discussions back in the day (MWC) re: using the title to provide information without "telling" in the body of the poem. This second title is a fine example. I certainly was off and would have missed an intent that speaks of persistence of spirit---a much better poem than the way I mistakenly read it at first.

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: Notre Dame 2019

Post by Dave » Wed Jun 12, 2019 9:29 am

Thank Gyppo for a more generous comment than either I or the poem deserve. In fact the comment is a poem in itself. Thanks Indar for coming back. The poem has been substantially rewritten as you comments and those of Tim where very valuable.
Dave
 

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Notre Dame 2019

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Thu Jun 20, 2019 4:41 pm

Very strong lines – opening stanza is stunning.  I am sorry I didn’t understand the rocks being placed in mouths, but I don’t feel it hampered by overall grasp of the poem.

Consider moving “voices” from S.3 to the beginning of S.4 – it makes the conclusion more cohesive for me.  Just a thought.

Love this poem, thanks for sharing.

Cheers.

T

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