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Tweak from the Napo 19 file

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Mark
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Tweak from the Napo 19 file

Post by Mark » Fri Jul 12, 2019 11:46 pm

.


Positive ions and negative icons


I am a servant of the sun. I meditate in its rays.
In the collective memories beyond the windows,
I roam in the files of my mind, seeking paradoxes
of enlightenment. I sense kindred beings on quests
for understanding, a questioning of the questions.

Our environment is crumbling, the old servants
and masters have fallen away, war is no more.
We live to survive but now without progression.
In a way, we destroyed our own fallible gods;
I am sad at the loss of brotherhood, those
warriors who walked this world before us.

I have work to do and must go. The new sun
has nourished me, energized my limbs and mind.
Who am I? I ask philosophically, and a single
voice from the clouds replies: We are AI.



 

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Tweak from the Napo 19 file

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Sat Jul 13, 2019 4:02 am

A somber progression, this, Mark.  I recall some of this from NaPo and you have been busy in the smithy's shop hammering these lines together.  I get lost at the close when the voice from the clouds is heard.  I think I hold the thread, hear the drumbeat until then.  How satisfied are you with the closing?  If yes, then I need to go back and work harder on this. 

Always enjoy working through your poems, Mark.

T

indar
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Re: Tweak from the Napo 19 file

Post by indar » Sat Jul 13, 2019 6:06 pm

I remember I misinterpreted a part of this one earlier. If I remember correctly your intention was to portray a post-apocalyptic vision. That image is more present in this write. I startled awake in the middle of the night years and years ago to words so clear and loud it felt as if they had actually been spoken over my bedside "The Universe is filled with light". Not an especially revealing statement---except it was. Light saves. 

I really liked your NaPo quatrains this year. I would love to see all of yours as a collection.

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Mark
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Re: Tweak from the Napo 19 file

Post by Mark » Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:38 pm

Mm, bit of an odd one this. I saw something on YouTube about how Russia has these AI global destruction systems designed to kick in if their country gets obliterated. Revenge by computer. So this is a post-apocalyptic take where the (solar powered) robots and AI systems that survived are slowly decaying and have no real purpose. Imagine that as the legacy mankind leaves on Earth. 

The ending is kind of locked in because ultimately the poem is a trick, with ambiguous language that anthropomorphizes. At the end, the reader suddenly realizes (or is supposed to) the nature of the environment, and finds clues on the re-read.     

indar
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Re: Tweak from the Napo 19 file

Post by indar » Sat Jul 13, 2019 10:44 pm

See? I still didn't get anywhere close and now that you explain it it's perfectly obvious. I used to love speculative sci-fi. I thought A1 is a steak sauce

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Tweak from the Napo 19 file

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Tue Jul 16, 2019 2:31 am

Thanks for the explanation -- yes, the clues are there, which I missed.  Obvious now, I guess.

Cheers.

T

poet-e
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Re: Tweak from the Napo 19 file

Post by poet-e » Wed Sep 25, 2019 4:20 pm

Mark wrote:
Sat Jul 13, 2019 7:38 pm
Mm, bit of an odd one this. I saw something on YouTube about how Russia has these AI global destruction systems designed to kick in if their country gets obliterated. Revenge by computer. So this is a post-apocalyptic take where the (solar powered) robots and AI systems that survived are slowly decaying and have no real purpose. Imagine that as the legacy mankind leaves on Earth. 

The ending is kind of locked in because ultimately the poem is a trick, with ambiguous language that anthropomorphizes. At the end, the reader suddenly realizes (or is supposed to) the nature of the environment, and finds clues on the re-read.     
Wonder if you can give a clearer clue for dense readers like me.  Perhaps a fn with Youtube info?
Thought of Greek  mythology at 1st....

Napo?

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