The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

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     Late Tomatoes
 
Of late in garden’s far corner
patient in rows and lines on stems
hundreds of late summer’s tomatoes
hard working buggers all.  Now

still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more 
wicking through stalks the nectar 
of life, no more heat from the sun.  

We wait for the quiet gardener
to pick us from the vine and
spread us out somewhere warm
to ripen in our own good time
or in his.

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Very much enjoyed this Tracy. Particularly the tone and perspective.

best

Phil

spread us out somewhere warm

Something more specific perhaps, such as:

line us up on window sills

That's what I do with mine.  

Gardening seems to be a theme here. I think there is a reason. I like the cared-for, late-comer tomato perspective. Some plants know when to quit.

Thanks for the comments, Phil.

Indar - you found the weak line.  Window sill is an upgrade.  With my green tomatoes, I spread them on brown paper (from bags) and scatter a few bananas amongst.  But that is not so poetic. 

T

You know what I always say: poetry is truth but not always fact. If you don't like what you do to your tomatoes, make something up.

You are right, of course.
 

Hi Tracy
I am just wondering if the perspective from teh last stabza could be maintained all the way through. I was a Little perplex by the change - or have I misunderstood something. I also wonder if some cuts or alterations might be made:
 
Of late
in garden’s far corner
patient on stems
hundreds of late summer tomatoes
hardworking hard buggers all.  (Does patient clash with hardworking since the former sounds passive and the latter active?)

Still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more 
wicking through stalks the nectar 
of life, no more heat from the sun (is this not evident from freezing?).  

We wait for the gardener
to pick us from the vine and
spread us out to ripen
in our own good time
or in his.

Just a thought
 

Good thoughts, Dave.  Thanks for sharing. 

Your edits are good, especially S.1

Revision is in the works.

Cheers.

T

 

Love "hard working buggers all."

Felt sad at
"still green when fall’s first freeze
shuts down life’s flow – no more"

Nice twist at the end, but agree w/ Dave.  S.1-2 address them in 3rd person, so S.3's 1st POV comes out of nowhere.
Perhaps S.1-2 can be gardener's pov, then shift pov?