Blink

[Tracy Mitchell]

~

  Blink

We talk, and think great things,
stride in mud between large stones, 
slice each other to liquid.

We commission lifeless monuments 
to our tall selves, and order them
to reach over the river and bow.

We revolve around splendid glamour,
and digital declarations

but like the moon, there is always a dark side.

We deal drugs at night from
the back steps of the convent when 
we think God’s looking the other way.

We miss the messages of the seasons.

We lag toward dust.


~



 

[Colm Roe]

I find this very appealing Tracy...you probably knew I would.
It feels quite different. Not a typical Tracy poem.
The visuals and meaning in the first two stanzas are superb.
I snagged for a while on 'lag' in the last S. Took me a while to realise 
it's the N dying before his time because of himself...at least that's my take.
Anywho...there's so much to appreciate here...just like a typical Tracy poem 

[Dave]

Ah humanity what a strange creature and how sad, all its attepmts to be good and still it can't escape its own weaknesses, which are mostly tied to just being a self wth a self-iamge. Like this a lot. There are interesting little things to play with such as removing the comma in line one and changing meaning in a subtle way.
Dave

[indar]

Hi Tracy,

I've read this several times trying to figure out why the "we" pronoun bothers me---maybe because I get included in the global pronouncements

Of course "they" would be a whole lot worse.

There are uncomfortable truths to this one but for some reason I'd like to see some mitigating observations as well.

"talk and think great things" might be too abstract.

S2 is more concrete and a great setup for the final 2 lines.

[Tracy Mitchell]

Colm - I am glad you do like things about this. 

In response to your comment -- Lag -- to fail to maintain a desired pace or to keep up; fall or stay behind.  Dust-to-dust can be delayed a bit is all.  I also hoped by use of the word to reference a lag putt. 

Dave -- just self and self-image -- great description!  And damn - that comma went out, back in, out, back in . . . . I like its effect on meaning, but it is awkward as hell.  

Indar -- I fell again into the "we" trap -- thanks for flagging it.  It can be a cheap shortcut which allows the writer to avoid the precision of tight-focus.  I hope to find a fix during the re-write.

Thanks you guys for the reads and comments.  Feedback here is much appreciated.

Cheers.

T

[poet-e]

Like how this points out hypocrisies.

S2 reminds me of the Thomas Jefferson Memorial, etc.

Got "We lag toward dust" as death is unavoidable, so perhaps nothing we do matters??