The Tangled Branch Discussion Forums

Gravity tugs IV fluids
in metronome drops, silent
like his breathing.

It's a sterile, visual world
we've entered, broken
by the occasion echoing distress,
other people's dramas
playing out.
Ignored and dismissed,
empathy is focused here.

Today the maintenance of dignity,
what's left of it,
ushered me to stand sentinel
outside my father's room.

Next door, doors open
I watched a heart stop.
The nurse called for help
started compressions.

They closed the doors eventually.
She died alone, I was there, but
trained in CPR and the rate to compress,
I found myself humming 'Staying Alive'.

Shocked by the detachment,
back in his room for a few more hours
before the next sibling took his shift
I sat again.

Watching liquid drops of time
fall into his vein,
crystal clear
waiting.

Colm - beautiful, moving, powerful.  S1 totally sets the stage... last stanza a well done bookend.

metronome... silent... drops of time... vivid and tangible.  Been there, done that - your writing puts the reader by the door.

Scene and the moment well painted.

Be well.

Aj  

Thanks for the thumbs up AJ

And I know I abused poetic licence with the heart stopping line... I'll edit that eventually

Very moving Colm.  This is much more narrative-ish than you usually post.  Not a crit, just an observation.

Killer last stanza. 

I was EMT trained and did compressions to the tune of Phil Oachs "The Bells", but then you are much younger than I to go with a Bee-Gees tune.

Cheers.

T

ajduclos wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:59 am

Colm - beautiful, moving, powerful.  S1 totally sets the stage... last stanza a well done bookend.

metronome... silent... drops of time... vivid and tangible.  Been there, done that - your writing puts the reader by the door.

Scene and the moment well painted.

Be well.

Aj  

I couldn't have said this better myself. I was put right there on the spot. Kudos, a well-done piece, Colm.

Thanks, AJ for knowing the right words to say.

~Deb

 

Deb wrote: ↑

Tue Jan 07, 2020 7:55 pm

ajduclos wrote: ↑

Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:59 am

Colm - beautiful, moving, powerful.  S1 totally sets the stage... last stanza a well done bookend.

metronome... silent... drops of time... vivid and tangible.  Been there, done that - your writing puts the reader by the door.

Scene and the moment well painted.

Be well.

Aj  

I couldn't have said this better myself. I was put right there on the spot. Kudos, a well-done piece, Colm.

Thanks AJ, for knowing the right words to say.

~Deb

  

 

Wow...powerful writing. Really distills what it is to wait bedside at times like these, without frill or fluff. I did notice the close/frequent use of 'doors' but actually like it, quite appropriate. Wishing you and yours well during this difficult time.