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Waiting

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Colm Roe
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Waiting

Post by Colm Roe » Thu Jan 02, 2020 7:52 pm

Gravity tugs IV fluids
in metronome drops, silent
like his breathing.

It's a sterile, visual world
we've entered, broken
by the occasion echoing distress,
other people's dramas
playing out.
Ignored and dismissed,
empathy is focused here.

Today the maintenance of dignity,
what's left of it,
ushered me to stand sentinel
outside my father's room.

Next door, doors open
I watched a heart stop.
The nurse called for help
started compressions.

They closed the doors eventually.
She died alone, I was there, but
trained in CPR and the rate to compress,
I found myself humming 'Staying Alive'.

Shocked by the detachment,
back in his room for a few more hours
before the next sibling took his shift
I sat again.

Watching liquid drops of time
fall into his vein,
crystal clear
waiting.

ajduclos
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Joined: Mon Apr 01, 2019 1:35 pm

Re: Waiting

Post by ajduclos » Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:59 am

Colm - beautiful, moving, powerful.  S1 totally sets the stage... last stanza a well done bookend.

metronome... silent... drops of time... vivid and tangible.  Been there, done that - your writing puts the reader by the door.

Scene and the moment well painted.

Be well.

Aj  

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Colm Roe
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Re: Waiting

Post by Colm Roe » Fri Jan 03, 2020 7:07 am

Thanks for the thumbs up AJ :)

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Colm Roe
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Re: Waiting

Post by Colm Roe » Fri Jan 03, 2020 7:11 am

And I know I abused poetic licence with the heart stopping line... I'll edit that eventually :)

ajduclos
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Re: Waiting

Post by ajduclos » Fri Jan 03, 2020 7:23 am

ImageImage

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Tracy Mitchell
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Re: Waiting

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Fri Jan 03, 2020 11:50 am

Very moving Colm.  This is much more narrative-ish than you usually post.  Not a crit, just an observation.

Killer last stanza. 

I was EMT trained and did compressions to the tune of Phil Oachs "The Bells", but then you are much younger than I to go with a Bee-Gees tune. :)

Cheers.

T

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Colm Roe
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Re: Waiting

Post by Colm Roe » Fri Jan 03, 2020 12:36 pm

:lol:

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Deb
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Location: Southern California USA
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Re: Waiting

Post by Deb » Tue Jan 07, 2020 7:55 pm

ajduclos wrote:
Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:59 am
Colm - beautiful, moving, powerful.  S1 totally sets the stage... last stanza a well done bookend.

metronome... silent... drops of time... vivid and tangible.  Been there, done that - your writing puts the reader by the door.

Scene and the moment well painted.

Be well.

Aj  
I couldn't have said this better myself. I was put right there on the spot. Kudos, a well-done piece, Colm.

Thanks, AJ for knowing the right words to say. ;)

~Deb

 

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Deb
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Re: Waiting

Post by Deb » Tue Jan 07, 2020 7:56 pm

Deb wrote:
Tue Jan 07, 2020 7:55 pm
ajduclos wrote:
Fri Jan 03, 2020 6:59 am
Colm - beautiful, moving, powerful.  S1 totally sets the stage... last stanza a well done bookend.

metronome... silent... drops of time... vivid and tangible.  Been there, done that - your writing puts the reader by the door.

Scene and the moment well painted.

Be well.

Aj  
I couldn't have said this better myself. I was put right there on the spot. Kudos, a well-done piece, Colm.

Thanks AJ, for knowing the right words to say. ;)

~Deb

  

 

Sharon Leigh
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Location: Midwest US

Re: Waiting

Post by Sharon Leigh » Mon Jan 13, 2020 5:27 pm

Wow...powerful writing. Really distills what it is to wait bedside at times like these, without frill or fluff. I did notice the close/frequent use of 'doors' but actually like it, quite appropriate. Wishing you and yours well during this difficult time. 
"This creature of the poem may assemble itself into a being with its own centrifugal force."-- Sharon Olds

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