~
Enough
She was done reporting her darkest moods,
rating her pain on a scale of 1 to 10.
Done waiting for them to catch on.
She put on red blazer over white blouse,
black slacks, two inch heals. Her hair
was right, makeup light.
They give her scrubs, paper blue slipper-socks,
a tissue shower cap, and put her in a room—
a joyless space without usable air.
Odd, she thinks, a shot glass as dosing device,
and what, she smiles, do you do with a shot?
A quick move- she tosses it back. Then
slams the empty glass down on a cold metal table.
Welcome to The Tangled Branch! Join us.
Enough
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Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3399
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Enough
Last edited by Tracy Mitchell on Mon Feb 17, 2020 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Enough
Lots to enjoy here T.
But (don't you just hate that word) there's something missing?
Just read it again...and it's the last line!
bangs the empty glass down on a cold metal table.
I'd prefer a more resigned finish.
slams it down, but for some reason
it sounds like plastic!
Small nit in a fab poem.
But (don't you just hate that word) there's something missing?
Just read it again...and it's the last line!
bangs the empty glass down on a cold metal table.
I'd prefer a more resigned finish.
slams it down, but for some reason
it sounds like plastic!
Small nit in a fab poem.
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Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3399
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Enough
Hi Colm,
Thanks for the read and comments.
Bangs or slams?
T
Thanks for the read and comments.
Bangs or slams?
T
Re: Enough
When I was 26 I took a poison pill--it was radioactive iodine handed to me by the two men in space suits using the tongs they used to take it out of the lead-lined container it took the both of them to carry into the space capsule where I sat in about the same attire you describe here. Either you do or you don't. This poem of yours gave me a FLASH-BACK. I don't know if the stark scene you've created will have quite the impact on anyone who hasn't had to make that leap of faith. Hard to slam or bang a paper cup but implied courage by the handling of the shot glass works for me. I might prefer slams
Re: Enough
or maybe bangs referring to the sound of glass meeting stainless steel even if the sonics aren't quite as good
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Tracy Mitchell
- Posts: 3399
- Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm
Re: Enough
Thyroid cancer? At 26 yo? Wow. So you drank radiation.
You are one tough cookie, aren't you? [Loveable, but tough.
]
Again, wow!
T
You are one tough cookie, aren't you? [Loveable, but tough.
]Again, wow!
T
Re: Enough
Shots are also called slammers... for obvious reasons...slam! 