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sneezing

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
murmac
Posts: 193
Joined: Thu Mar 26, 2020 7:18 pm

Post by murmac » Mon Mar 30, 2020 4:44 pm

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Last edited by murmac on Wed Jun 24, 2020 7:10 am, edited 5 times in total.

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 3179
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 3:58 pm

Re: sneezing

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Mon Mar 30, 2020 10:40 pm

Someone sneezed in 77 AD -- not sure what the record of that is. Perhaps fossilized phlem. Since I moved to Colorado I discovered the existence of coprolite. They sell it! That is not as surprising as the fact that folks buy it!

In S.3 there is a yawing distance between the verb "listen" in L.4, and its subject.. It took me awhile to get why 'listen' is not plural, as written. Just saying.

Love the poem, love the discussion.

T

Matty11
Posts: 1585
Joined: Thu Jan 11, 2018 7:58 pm

Re: sneezing

Post by Matty11 » Sun Apr 05, 2020 8:22 pm

The title caught my eye Dave. Interesting stuff, though S3 delivers the poetry.

I stand on a street corner at night.
The sky has found its stars
while the air circulates in cool currents.
I listen hard for the rising bile
of daily life but hear only echoes.

Just a suggestion.

best

Phil

Dave
Posts: 1991
Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2018 9:07 am

Re: sneezing

Post by Dave » Tue Apr 07, 2020 11:37 pm

Thanks Matty good edit
Dave

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