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Keep it to Yourself

General Poetry - post, comment, review, critique
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Tim J Brennan
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Keep it to Yourself

Post by Tim J Brennan » Mon Mar 30, 2020 12:03 am

blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah


sometimes, you think,
God must be exhausted
to swim another foot
with the stupidity

aces are wild, you draw
deuces & sevens—

hundreds of dumb-ass people,
your blood freezes tighter
these days

blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah


Lord knows Jesus
raised Lazarus on this Sunday
only so he could die again

don’t forget to tell your Daddy,
this poet says Hi over & over again.
Last edited by Tim J Brennan on Fri May 15, 2020 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Tracy Mitchell
Posts: 1632
Joined: Sun Jan 07, 2018 10:58 pm

Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by Tracy Mitchell » Mon Mar 30, 2020 4:25 pm

This so reminds me of a Lucifer narrative -- irreverent, bored with the tedium of eternity, laced with wit and irony and something somewhere on the sarcasm scale.

I am confused by the grammar of the last line of stanza six.

Just a thought -- last line of the poem -- how about "poem" for 'poet'? -- just asking. It works wonderfully as is, but I couldn't help rolling it around in my head for a while.

Cheers.

T

Tim J Brennan
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by Tim J Brennan » Sun May 10, 2020 3:42 am

Tracy Mitchell wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 4:25 pm
This so reminds me of a Lucifer narrative -- irreverent, bored with the tedium of eternity, laced with wit and irony and something somewhere on the sarcasm scale.

I am confused by the grammar of the last line of stanza six.

Just a thought -- last line of the poem -- how about "poem" for 'poet'? -- just asking. It works wonderfully as is, but I couldn't help rolling it around in my head for a while.

Cheers.

T

If Lucifer were actually the writer, all the more reason to keep the poet in the last stanza, Tracy. I'm looking at the grammar in S6...are you referring to tense?

Thanks for looking in and commenting.

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Wren Tuatha
Posts: 109
Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2018 9:48 pm
Location: Sol Three
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Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by Wren Tuatha » Sun May 10, 2020 5:03 pm

My first thought is that I want this on a t-shirt or sign in my yard. So spot on! Then I remember the truth of the title. Sigh. Thanks for expressing this!

Tim J Brennan
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by Tim J Brennan » Tue May 12, 2020 1:42 pm

Wren Tuatha wrote:
Sun May 10, 2020 5:03 pm
My first thought is that I want this on a t-shirt or sign in my yard. So spot on! Then I remember the truth of the title. Sigh. Thanks for expressing this!

...and just think, I wrote this WAY BACK in March. Things have only gotten worse. Thanks for comments, Wren. Hope you have recovered from all the fire aftermath. You must feel like you're living through the Plagues of Egypt.

Stay healthy. Stay happy.

Tim

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Wren Tuatha
Posts: 109
Joined: Sun Aug 26, 2018 9:48 pm
Location: Sol Three
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Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by Wren Tuatha » Tue May 12, 2020 4:13 pm

Tim J Brennan wrote:
Tue May 12, 2020 1:42 pm
Wren Tuatha wrote:
Sun May 10, 2020 5:03 pm
 

 You must feel like you're living through the Plagues of Egypt. 

Exactly!!! I'm writing my thesis about Sense of Place and how we need to update it in the time of climate change. Then this happens. It makes my job WAY easier, giving future readers grounding in place (their own) and high-stakes situations, similar to wildfires and other superstorms. So yeah, Plagues of Egypt! But after a month or so of freakout for my personal survival, I'm digging in and using it! (My whittling poem over in Workshop is an exploration of Sense of Place.)

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murmac
Posts: 192
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2020 1:18 am
Location: Toronto, ON, Canada

Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by murmac » Wed May 13, 2020 11:47 am

Tim J Brennan wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 12:03 am
blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah


sometimes, you think,
God must be exhausted
to swim another foot
with the stupidity

aces are wild, you draw
deuces & sevens—

hundreds of dumb-ass people,
your blood freezes tighter
these days

blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah


Lord knows
Jesus raised Lazarus
on this Sunday
only so he die again

don’t forget to tell your Daddy,
this poet says Hi over & over again.
Sounds like you’ve heard it all. Waiting for the heavens to open up and cure things. Quite a brave poem.

Tim J Brennan
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by Tim J Brennan » Thu May 14, 2020 2:08 am

murmac wrote:
Wed May 13, 2020 11:47 am
Tim J Brennan wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 12:03 am
blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah


sometimes, you think,
God must be exhausted
to swim another foot
with the stupidity

aces are wild, you draw
deuces & sevens—

hundreds of dumb-ass people,
your blood freezes tighter
these days

blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah


Lord knows
Jesus raised Lazarus
on this Sunday
only so he die again

don’t forget to tell your Daddy,
this poet says Hi over & over again.
Sounds like you’ve heard it all. Waiting for the heavens to open up and cure things. Quite a brave poem.

I don't know anyone who has heard it all. But thanks for your interpretation. All are welcome.

Tim J Brennan
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon Jan 22, 2018 7:59 pm

Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by Tim J Brennan » Fri May 15, 2020 1:25 pm

Tracy Mitchell wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 4:25 pm
This so reminds me of a Lucifer narrative -- irreverent, bored with the tedium of eternity, laced with wit and irony and something somewhere on the sarcasm scale.

I am confused by the grammar of the last line of stanza six.

Just a thought -- last line of the poem -- how about "poem" for 'poet'? -- just asking. It works wonderfully as is, but I couldn't help rolling it around in my head for a while.

Cheers.

T

It finally dawned on me what you are talking about by the last line of stanza six, Tracy. Thank you and edited.

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murmac
Posts: 192
Joined: Fri Mar 27, 2020 1:18 am
Location: Toronto, ON, Canada

Re: Keep it to Yourself

Post by murmac » Mon May 25, 2020 4:27 pm

Tim J Brennan wrote:
Thu May 14, 2020 2:08 am
murmac wrote:
Wed May 13, 2020 11:47 am
Tim J Brennan wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 12:03 am
blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah


sometimes, you think,
God must be exhausted
to swim another foot
with the stupidity

aces are wild, you draw
deuces & sevens—

hundreds of dumb-ass people,
your blood freezes tighter
these days

blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah


Lord knows
Jesus raised Lazarus
on this Sunday
only so he die again

don’t forget to tell your Daddy,
this poet says Hi over & over again.
Sounds like you’ve heard it all. Waiting for the heavens to open up and cure things. Quite a brave poem.

I don't know anyone who has heard it all. But thanks for your interpretation. All are welcome.
I mean, you’ve heard enough.. “blah, blah, blah,
bitty-ass, blah” seems to indicate a sarcastic retort to the nonsense you’ve heard. Like, now I think I’ve heard everything. Metaphorically speaking, I feel that way a lot

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